I’ll find a way to get you here
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Light years away I hope you know
There is a somebody searching
For the way to get you here
I’ll find a way to get you here
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Light years away I hope you know
There is a somebody searching
For the way to get you here
I have been hesitant to write for a while for I have not known if what I say today will be completely different tomorrow. I am so happy to say that the more things move along now I feel the situation stabilizing a bit… so why were my emotions starting to go crazy.
The other change comes from the U.S. Embassy, and it will affect us no matter what. The Embassy is conducting a more thorough investigation on each and every child to ensure that the child is “adoptable.” There has been recent media allegations of misconduct in Ethiopian adoptions by a few agencies. Prior to this, families could expect to travel approximately 4-6 weeks after passing court. With this new situation it now can be up to a 10-12 WEEK WAITING PERIOD AFTER PASSING COURT.
What are we thinking?
Why would I want to mess with our “oh so perfect” little family?
There are a lot of other things I can think of doing with all the money that goes towards adoption not to mention the cost of raising 2 more children.
How are we going to pay for all of this?
I finally have all the children out of the house and the freedom during the day to do with what I want and this is going to majorly change that.
OR.. I can hardly handle the 4 I already have with all their laundry, activities and homework.. What am I thinking bringing two more into the picture….
What will other people think?
And you know what .. Satan love those questions. He loves putting anxious thoughts and feelings of fear in our heads, and I really believe more than anything else he would love for us to back out of this all together.
When I was younger I use to love them. The anticipation as you slowly creep to the top followed by the thrill and speed of the vertical drop was so awesome. Now that I am a bit older I can’t tolerate them as much due to the extreme motion sickness and nausea that follows for hours afterwards. Have to admit, I feel like I have been on a VICOUS NON-STOP ROLLERCOASTER RIDE the last few months.
I have been searching my heart and wondering if some of it has to do with me not being able to completely let go, surrender all to GOD and TRUST HIM completely.
If I really trusted that His Will is perfect and He knows what is best for us and that HE is in control, couldn’t I just totally let go and enjoy the ride just a bit more. I know I look back on the blog and read what I have previously written. It all is true and honest thoughts but STILL I let the emotions, anxiousness, worry and “motion sickness” creep in. As much as some want to make excuses and say we are human and anybody would feel the same way if they went through all of this. I’m not falling for that. Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." (LUKE 18:27) It is not impossible to completely let go and believe in whatever situation you are in GOD is in control and He knows what is best… that is when…
7The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will come into play and surpass everything else and will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
The problem is we think this “peace” is supposed to be automatic. We forget about the verses before hand that we are suppose to do to receive this peace…
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Or the verses afterwards…
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:6-8)
I have a tendency to get anxious about what is going to happen next. I want to know exactly what is going on and even plan it out. I guess I have a bit of a control issue. I need to have more FAITH and to realize I am NOT in control … BUT HE IS. Truthfully even though it is hard for me not to know the ending, I am thankful that God has brought us here and chose to use us in this manner... whatever that may be. When that really happens, when we truly come to grip with the TRUTH, this is when you start to just sit back and actually ENJOY the ROLLERCOASTER RIDE! Wheeeee!!!!
This whole thing reminded me of a movie I watched in a SocialWork class in college. Parenthood with Steve Martin…. HERE is one of the scenes…
Looking back on all my previous posts you can tell this is a constant battle within my head. There are times I want to GET OFF, at least this part of the RIDE! But I cannot give up, not until God clearly leads us down a different road (which he very well may do). Until then I will learn to WALK BY FAITH NOT BY SIGHT(IICORITHIANS 5:7). God never promised this journey to be easy, probably because there are so many lessons to learn along the way and over all the bumps.
Throughout scripture there is talk about orphans… the fatherless, the poverty stricken. But scripture also refers to US as once orphans. Not knowing OF our Heavenly father or being part of the Family of GOD. I keep thinking that when I was orphaned or even now when I am lost and go my own way.. God never gives up on me. He constantly is pursuing us… Like a shepherd who has lost one of his sheep, he would never think of going home for the night without finding it.
That’s how I feel right now. Until the doors before me are completely closed or until God clearly directs us in another direction… I feel I have no other choice but to persevere, to stand steadfast. (no matter how motion sick I may get from time to time).