THE BATTLE...

The flesh says…

Things are not good; in fact they are pretty much a complete mess. They have not gone my way. It is not fair. I was trying to do good and be obedient to the call but maybe it was all wrong!

The spirit says…

Be still. Have peace. Things are just as He knew they would be. He grieves more than we do. He loves them more than we do. He is in control. All things will work out together for the good, even this. He has amazing plans for me… amazing and perfect… this is just a small part of the journey. Just wait and see what is around the corner!!!

This battle is a constant one that is being fought in my head…. But then as if I actually can hear the trumpets blow… I know without a doubt I HAVE ALREADY WON…

VICTORY IS MINE SAYS THE LORD!

THE BATTLE IS ALREADY OVER!

THOUGH MY HEART IS BROKEN RIGHT NOW.. I DO HAVE VICTORY !!

FOR YOU SEE….

This battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:11-13

SO What am I going to do…

I am going to get ready. I am going to armor up. I am going to plant my feet on solid ground and I will be able to withstand whatever Satan has next up his feeble wimpy sleeve. FOR VICTORY IS MINE! DEATH WHERE IS THOU STING????

Thank you, Jesus for winning the ultimate battle for us already so we can rejoice even in the hardest of times and the worst of days.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES...

"Once our eyes are opened

we can't pretend we don't know what to do.

God, who weighs our hearts

and keeps our souls,

knows that we know and

holds us responsible to act."

Proverbs 24:12

So many times I have started to put all that is happening down on paper and I just could not figure out just how to explain everything, but I have decided I just need to do this… ONE because I want as many people praying for this situation as possible and TWO I think it is selfish of me not to allow others to be apart of this journey with us. It has been an amazing journey of growth, faith and relying on GOD.

The above verse explains a lot of what is going on in my heart right now but that is still just part of it.

What started out, as what I thought was God’s calling for me to be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves, and starting an orphan care ministry of some sort has taken so many twists and turns in the last few months. I know that that calling it is still there but we are also open to wherever else He wants to lead us. This turned into a call for me to actually go to Africa, which turned out to not be at all what I thought it was going to be. I questioned God and His plan but grew tremendously in trust and faith. I know that not only did he have a plan but, His plan and will is actually really good, pleasing, in fact… perfect. I keep going back to the wise advice I got from a friend a few years ago as we were making some decisions in our lives. She said, “It is not about the destination, or final decision but more about the actual journey of getting there.” The word that keeps coming to my mind over and over again is SUBMISSION. If we say, “Here I am God use me!” We have to be ready for Him to use us in whatever way it is He wants to. We cannot say, “Here I am God use me in this neat and tidy ministry or way that I have planned out in my mind that will fit so perfectly into MY LIFE and MY PLANS.” God wants all of us. He wants full submission to Him. He wants us to realize that our sole purpose on this earth is for HIM, to bring Him glory. This life I am living, it is not my own.

Now, I cannot tell you that I know just how this particular journey is even going to end up, and I am really ok with that. We are on the journey that God has brought us on. I know He will lead us in the direction He wants us to go and in His timing, if we just continue to seek Him and His will above all else.

THE JOURNEY..

While looking into orphan care ministry and the possibility of getting involved with this particular ministry…IT HAPPENED. Two particular children caught our eyes and stole our hearts. I know it sounds weird but when I look at them, especially the oldest sibling there is something so familiar about her to me.

They are actually the two children that I spoke of in a previous blog, who I got to go out to the village and visit. You see, the problem right now is that the orphanage that they were with originally, has had some problems and is not licensed at this time. For some reason, some of the children where brought back to their villages until things could be sorted out. Which at the time seemed like a horrible thing, but now I can see God’s hand in it and this very situation allows them to be able to continue on the process of finding a forever family.

We did not know what the situation was going to be like with the orphanage and wanted to have as much in order on our part before I left on the trip. We expedited our home study and did as much as we could before leaving. Before going and even while there I kept trying to tell myself to keep the two things separate…the ministry and the adoption of these children, but they kind of go hand in hand also.

Going to visit them was an amazing experience but heart wrenching at the same time. Their conditions were not good at all. Previously they were living with a Grandma, who has since passed away. I so badly wanted to scoop them up and bring them home with me. I think the only thing that allowed me to leave them behind as I walked away was the thought that the license was going to come soon and they would not have to be there much longer. That was now 3 weeks ago. My heart aches.

Before I left I was able to give some money to one of the locals there to bring out some supplies for them. I received an email at the beginning of the week that he was able to bring them mattresses to sleep on along with a blanket, sheets, food and some vitamins...

But now last night I received another email wondering if I got the pictures he had sent and saying that he was really concerned about their health. I knew this already; due to when I saw them it was obvious they were not doing well. The photos I saw previously of her, her eyes were so bright and beautiful. They just sparkled. But now they seemed lifeless and tired. Malnutrition was an obvious problem, they were both just so skinny and her with a very extended abdomen.

THE ONE REASSURING THOUGHT in this situation is the very FACT that OUR Heavenly Father is in control. And I know, He loves those children even more than we do.

What NEXT?...

Please join me in PRAYER in giving it all over to the LORD and that whatever we do, or whatever happens we seek GOD and HIS WAYS and HIS WILL above everything else. Nothing else matters if God is not the center of it. We need to make sure we are doing this for His glory and the way that He directs us to go. IF that is being done, than what amazing PEACE we shall have that His good, pleasing and perfect WILL, will be done. HIS WILL BE DONE... NOT OURS!!!

I am thankful that God has brought us on this journey and I know he has directed us to these particular two children for a reason. But I also am fully aware that the two children also represent the millions… YES MILLIONS, of children out there in their same, or worse situations. Too many times we sit in our comfy homes and lifestyles and think there is nothing that we can do about it, which is just what Satan wants you to believe. Not everyone may be called to go to Africa, or drawn to any particular orphan, or called to adopt. But if you are a follower of Christ you are called to care for the orphans and widows of this world in some way.

Until God closes the doors and directs us another way I believe we are to be steadfast on the journey he has brought us on. The Government could issue the license to the original orphanage or the children could be brought to a different orphanage and adopted from there, which I know is being worked on right now. Please pray for protection and a healing touch particularly for these two little precious lives. Pray that if there is something more in the meantime we are to do that He directs us and opens those doors for that. And pray that we continue to learn and have complete submission and peace with whatever God has come to be.

THANK YOU ROCKPOINT !

A special thank you for all the jr.high students and leaders at Rockpoint Church.

PLANE RIDE HOME - A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE??

OK… so I am all for evangelism.  We are called to go and spread the good news.  But here is a perfect way on how NOT to go about it.  Robb, the youth pastor at our church, speaks about being a “Jesus Freak” to the kids but he also says… there is a difference between a Jesus Freak and just a plain FREAK!!!!

The plane home was full.  I was on the isle of the middle section.  I had my head down on the tray table in front of me when all of a sudden I am awakened by a huge commotion around me.  Some guy came running down the isle toward the back of the plane yelling …. “We are going to heaven today… Are you ready?  Are you ready?”  I actually looked up to his finger pointing directly at me yelling “Are you ready?” and an airline attended restraining him and bringing him up to the front.

We were just about to Rome at this time.  When we landed in Rome the flight crew changed however the first crew must of said nothing to the crew coming on regarding our evangelist.  There were some passengers on the plane trying to tell them what had happened and really not feeling comfortable continuing on the rest of the way with him with us.  At one point one passenger got her bags and said “Either he gets off or I do.”   They finally decided to remove him from the plane but it took awhile because he was not identifying his luggage. I have to admit I was a bit nervous that now he was off and safe and might of left some special gift behind. 

The funny thing was that one of the new flight attendants came back and was rather upset with the passengers that were making the biggest racket about the whole thing.  She said to them that … He was a good Christian guy.  He even goes to a protestant church. He was sitting there reading his bible and he just had a religious experience. 

Feb.26th 2009 - FINAL DAY

By morning I was starting to feel a little better.  M’s mother told me she had the same thing while in Soddo but did not want others to know….. 

Wonder if it was something we ate??????

We had to go and verify our flights, M had a few meetings and then had to get an email off but other than that it was a recovery day and I longed to be home with my family.  Our flight was a 10 pm.  It was sad to me that I wanted to be home so much but yet hated to leave at the same time.   I know I just needed time to process a bit, and I pray, if God willing, this would not be our last time in Ethiopia.

FEB. 25th 2009

During that night I felt it coming on. The nausea and stomach cramps were no fun. We had leave at 5 am to head back to Addis Ababa, not because we were in a hurry to get there but we had to leave that early to beat when the cattle crossed the roads. I could totally see how that would be a problem and slow the drive up tremendously. I packed everything up before going to bed and I really did not sleep so I was ready to go when it was time. They let me sit in front. I dared not say anything or move to much the entire drive for I knew I was right on the edge of losing it. I am still amazed I was able to make it the whole way with how crazy the driving is. When we got to the hotel in Addis I checked in and then went right to the room. The maids were just leaving the room as I got there I tried to smile but I just went in and collapsed on the bed. Not even taking time to close the door behind me. I knew if it started to come it would probably not end for awhile. The sweet maids were so concerned for me and trying to help. They eventually went and got a manager who ordered me a sprite and brought me a bucket. As hard as I tried there was no holding back. I seriously hardly remember the next 24 hours. I knew the room had internet access and I wanted to reach Mike so badly but I hardly had enough strength to hold up my head.

A day at Achura Village

FEB 24th, 2009

Even though the entire trip is not what I had originally expected or would of planned I can still say that I can not think of a better place to spend my 40th BIRTHDAY!!! Yes, thats right .. I am 40. It is so hard for me to believe. I really do not feel that old at all. Actually, I do not mind being 40. I have been so blessed throughout my life. When I think of all I would want to accomplish or do I remind myself ... MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN!!! It really is not about me. I pray that God uses me as much as he wants and when He is done I am excited to spend the rest of eternity with Him. Anyways ... age is in the eye of the beholder and my eye beholds at least a 29 year old!!!

Today we headed out to another village. This one was very special to M due to it was where one of her sons were from. It was also one of the main reasons that her mother came on this trip . A visit to Achura was on her “bucket list” of things to do before she dies.

It was an amazing experience to be able to walk through the village and amongst the people. To really see how they live and be right there in the midst of them. It was a bumpy drive getting back to the village, which included a few U turns along the way as figured how just how to get there. And then came the walking... walking.... and more walking. Ms mother was not feeling well, but nothing was going to stop her from going. There were times that we left her sitting for awhile and in the end she turned around and met us back at the bus, but she did it. Check that one off the list for her!!!

M was busy visiting previous relatives that she knew of who previously placed children up for adoption or knew of the children placed. They were all over-joyed to receive updates and pictures. I was not really sure all that she was doing but I followed behind... sometimes just a bit too far behind.

The children were amazing and they multiplied every few feet. There were a few that knew some broken English.I tried to communicate with them a little. They would repeat what I would say, just like little parrots. They seemed so hungry to learn and so so so joyful. We started out with simple “HELLO… HOW ARE YOU? I AM FINE, THANK YOU! “ in which I sang and they repeated. But then this turned into "Jesus loves me." … Ending in... “For He is strong.” with a powerful grunt as we showed our muscles…. The kids would all burst out in laughter and cheers and say “Again, again.”

Walking in the heat…. Getting lost…. All while singing Jesus loves me over and over and over again … was really an amazing experience. I made sure I found B so he could tell the kids exactly what we were singing and how much joy they brought to me. At one point they tried to teach me a song. I really tried hard to repeat what they were saying. I so badly want to be able to learn their language and communicate with them but every time I tried they laughed AT ME … so hard. I really was trying too.

As I saw the bus at the end of the road I realized just how exhausted I was, I felt chills and new I needed to get some shade and something to drink quickly. The kids did not want to leave either. One last song and on the bus I went. As I drove away my heart was full but then I was saddened. I did not come here for my heart to be filled … I wish I could do more for them. I wish I was making a bigger difference in others lives.

That evening B asked me if I saw the difference between the two villages I was at. I tried hard to really think of what I saw at both. I guess, at Achura there were times we were walking thru their farms. I noticed that even though they did not seem finished it seemed someone had been working on waterways for them. There were little streams that I saw from time to time with what appeared like cement walls or sides. B said water was one of the main factors. He said that the first village that I had gone to, the one with the 2 children, was a very poor village and water was more difficult to get to.

I had to think about that for awhile though. A poor village? I think that it is just so easy to be overwhelmed at all that you are seeing. Although it is hard to compare the wealth when the variables are so close, they are such valuable variables that are so consequential to their very lives.

It was getting late and we did not have time to make it to the other village we wanted to get to. Instead we headed back to the orphanage to say our good-byes. It was fun to arrive there and see all the kids ready for bed in the pajamas we brought for them.

It was obvious it was a hard goodbye for M. She too wanted to accomplish more on this trip than what was done. As we said goodbye, G brought to my attention one of the boy’s eye and how red it was. It was not only read but goopy. I asked if it itched and the boy said yes. It was a obvious case of pink eye. I had just given the rest of my medical supplies to Dr. Mary, who was very thankful. In that supply I knew I brought some Gentamicin drops. As we looked around the boy sitting right next to him who was also his bunk-buddy also had a red itchy eye. By the end there were at least 3 or 4 of the children that were being affected by this. We drove to a few different pharmacies trying to find the right medication needed and finally B brought us too the Soddo Christian Hospitals pharmacy. He knew who was working there and they just let us in to look through their supply and find what we needed. It was so inexpensive so we bought quiet a few of them and gave instruction as to how to administer and prevent spreading. I would like to say.. I used my intensive nursing skills here but instead it was just my mothering experience with pink I that enabled me to be able to help them out.

FEB 23rd, 2010

We finally got to spend sometime at the orphanage, which I was so excited about, but I still wish there would have been more.  How can you meet any real needs, whether physical or emotional in just one day?   I was only able to get a little insight into some of the needs that the individuals at that orphanage had.  I again found myself drawn to the needs the workers had there just as much as any of the children.  I spent a bit of time with the teacher D.  Oh, she is such a sweetie.  

She loves the children and it was obvious she was there out of God’s calling and as a ministry above anything else.  She was originally located in the city of Addis and when they moved all the children to Soddo they asked if she would come with.  This was a great sacrifice and change for her but she said she has learned and grown a lot.   The Lord is good!  She shared a lot of her heart with me that day.  We stole whatever moment we had to pray together and read scripture to each other.  They loved hearing me read in English the scripture they chose for me.  At one point, Desta wanted to show me where she lived so we walked to her house.  It was just a little bit down from the orphanage and where she was able to rent from a Christian woman.  I pray the little time I had with her I was able to encourage her as much as she thanked and encouraged me for being there.

I was able to present the felt stories that I made for them in which all the children and adults seemed very enthralled and I also brought out the parachute that the Junior High Students and Leaders at our church raised money to purchase and send them.  They children seemed to love it and it was so fun to see them laugh and play as they did.  The balls were also a great hit.  I noticed the nannies playing with the balls them self so I decided to start a volleyball game.  It was so much fun to see the nannies laugh and enjoy themselves.  I know I am repeating myself but again, they seemed like they were starving for love and attention just as much as the children are.  How can they give what they need to the children if they themselves are feeling empty and in need?  I did not leave all the medical supplies at the orphanage because I was not sure about how much they knew or understood how to use it. What I did leave I spent time with some of the Nannies instructing them on the proper use of them (all with Desta’s help in interpreting for me).

I don't know why I was surprised that the orphanage did not have running water.  Here are the donkeys that they use to bring water to the orphanage

I loved having fun, making them laugh and enjoying each others company.

 

I wanted to remember this when I ever complain about all the laundry I have to do...

I hated that we had to leave when we did but I also was excited for the next stop. M wanted to go visit a Missionary Doctor who lived there.  It was so amazing to visit and talk to Dr. Mary.  She and her husband have lived there for 15 years.  I guess if I visualized in my mind what a true medical missionary might live like and look like these two fit it perfectly. 

Dr. Mary wanted to introduce M to an orphan boy they she was caring for.  We followed her out the back door of her house and through her backyard and gardens and then through a locked fence covered in evergreen… something like you would imagine in the movie The Secret Garden.  I felt like we were stepping in another world as we walked out of her garden to the backyard of the village.  Right away the little boy appeared.  Sweetest thing.  M said it is quite hard to get the approval of Dr. Mary so all the kind words she had to say about him meant a lot.  

Feb 22nd CONT.

On the way back from seeing the kids the guys wanted to stop and talk to me a bit.  We stopped at a café for something to drink.  OH HOW I MISS ICE !!!!!  Something Ice cold and refreshing would be so nice.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to appreciate all we have at home.  Back at home, our ice maker has been broken for a long time, but you know what, we not only can make ice in sweet little ice trays we get to stop at a store or gas station and buy a huge bag of ice cubes whenever we want.  What a privilege that is!!!

B then took me for a walk through town.  Again, he was stopped by many, in which they would greet with not only a handshake but also multiple hugs.  I am not sure if they all wanted to stop and greet him like this just because he was with a Ferengie.  I really think that is just their custom and that is how they greet all the time.

We went to the hospital and met with the Dentist friend of B’s.  It was nice to talk to him about his work there and the needs that he might have.  I again was very impressed with all the equipment they had.  The hospital is such a nice set up and opportunity for the community to not only receive proper care but also a place for education and employment for many.  

I have wanted to stop at a place with Internet for a while but when we finally got there things were so slow it was hard to send anything.  I looked at some of my emails and sent one message to Mike but this in itself took forever. (HE NEVER RECEIVED THIS EMAIL).

When we arrived back at the hotel M had returned.  The meeting did not go as planned but she seemed positive that they would meet again before she was to leave and get the info she has been waiting for.

M has the thought that when you are in a foreign country as a visitor you should live as the people there do, and eat like they do.   I totally under where she is coming from in the sense of wanting to really be able to empathize with them or understand them, but I don’t think I agree with the whole concept.  No matter how much we even attempted this we will never know and understand everything from just a short-term missions trip. Plus, we need to keep ourselves healthy in order to be able to help them by serving and meeting their needs, not to mention that our stomach flora is just different then theirs and we need to be very careful as to what we eat and how it would effect our stomachs.

I tried to explain this to M and her Mother but they both disagreed with me and it was not a battle that I needed to have.  M was excited to take us out for authentic Ethiopian food.  I tried to stay positive.  I really did not have any other choice.  Injera is what they eat there for almost every meal.  It is sponge-like, grey-greenish, pancake-like, SOUR bread.  If you said “sour bread” to me at home I would think it meant soft white bread.  When I say sour in regards to Injera … I mean SOUR. 

When serving it there is one piece layed our flat and then other pieces rolled up along the sides.  Those are kind of your utensils.  They then bring out different sauces, meats, or stew like dishes and dump them on various parts of the Injera.  Everyone pretty much shares the dish and you eat with your fingers breaking off pieces of the rolled up injera and using that to scoop up the other sauces and meats with.  I feel like I was a good sport and tried everything that was placed before me but I would not say that I found any love for the food.  

FEB. 22nd, 2010

I cannot even describe the kind of day I had today.   Oh how I long to know how everything will turn out.  I want to know God’s plan but I think that is what is one thing He is really trying to teach me.  SUBMIT…  TRUST…  KNOW… that HIS PLAN (whatever that may be) is PERFECT.  And not just the plan for our future, but His plan for today, this second, RIGHT NOW!!!  If we can just give up the control someday and submit to that what amazing PEACE it would bring.  Easy to say, not so easy to do sometimes!

              I woke up this morning with a knock on my door.  M’s mother and I had a pact to sleep as long as we could so I was confused who was at my door so early.  It was B.  He said he had thought about it and talked to others and decided it was best if I went with him to the village to see the children.   The only thing was there was construction going on the road their and vehicles could not get through so we would have to go by motorbike.  He said he would be back in 20 min. to get me.

OKAAYYY!!!!!  My heart racing…  I think I probably should have been more nervous.  Was this safe? I am heading out of town on the back of a motorbike to I an area I have no clue where, in a foreign country, with no cell phone or communication to let anyone know what I was doing or where I was.  I know I should have been concerned but for one there was no time to really think, and two there was this strange PEACE that it was all ok.

            B pulled up with 2 motorbikes and drivers.  I got on the back of the one as I asked the driver if he was the best out of the two.  He nodded … but I am not really sure how much English he even spoke.  As we took off and raced through town I was thinking, If my father could see me now he probably would kill me for not wearing a helmet but as I kept riding had time to think a little more about what I was doing and where I was at I realized the helmet was merely just part of the things I should be concerned of.  Driving out of town and through the bumpy road where the construction was going on It was obvious that any larger of a vehicle would not be getting through at this time.  It was funny to pass people and see them do a double take when I passed.  It was obvious this too was a very unusual site.  After what was at least a 40 min ride we pulled up to a set of buildings.  At first I was completely unaware of what we were doing.  I was directed in and asked to sit in a rather dark room.  Looking around I realized that this was actually a home, of a fragile elderly looking man.  He was sitting in front of me on what was actually his bed.  He had nothing but a t-shirt on and a blanket wrapped around himself.  It was obvious his health was not good.  I really was not sure our purpose of being there at first. People were scurrying around and everyone chatting to each other with me the only one who was clueless what was being said or going on BUT THEN… I noticed

The sweetest little guy they were directing my way.  “THIS IS I.”  My heart dropped.  It was so surreal that here I am actually seeing and touching the little one we had seen in pictures and prayed over as a family.  He really did not want much to do with me and I was fine with that.  I insisted that they not push or even continue to encourage him to come to me.  I wanted them to know that we had come there just to check on the well-being of the children.  It took sometime for D to get there but she eventually appeared through the crowded doorway.  She looked so different from all the pictures we had previously seen.  In fact they both did.  The grandmother that was seen in earlier pictures had since passed away.  I found out the elderly man before me was their Uncle.  I had the opportunity visit and ask many questions.  It was just an incredible opportunity and experience to be there.  All the details and emotions I experienced today I can not even begin to explain or express but will treasure in my heart forever.  When it was time to leave I was not even close to being ready.  Only the hope and prayer that things would be working out at the orphanage soon and they would be able to return and be cared for and fed, as anyone deserves gave me the strength to leave them behind.  Even more than that though, the vision, hope and prayer that these two would someday be able to find and placed in a family of their own, a place to belong, to love and to be loved unconditionally and forever gave a little peace with the situation... for NOW!

FEB. 21th, 2010

       OK.. I woke up this morning feeling confident that I was going to have a better attitude.  You see, I know what advice I would give someone else in this situation.  I give it to myself all the time.  I read scripture.  I feel renewed.  I feel like I can hold on to these promises that He gives us BUT THEN… I constantly fail.  I am constantly reminded just how weak I am. 

        We headed out in the morning for a beautiful walk to the site where, if everything falls into place, they would like to move the orphanage to.  Along the way I enjoyed a humorous conversation with S.  Thank God for laughter… So nice for the soul!  And things seemed to go well.  Seeing the city from another view was so good for me.  It was nothing like the market experience but there was a peace that was felt for a moment.  It was fun for me to see the site and try to visualize all the incredible things God could do with it.  There was so much potential but it would take work and God has to make a lot of things fall in place before it could even start.  But still there was a spark in my heart for that kind of ministry.  I am not sure if it would be right there, with Kingdom Kids or even in Ethiopia, but the incredible calling, peace, nudging, joy, vision or whatever it is that I am feeling to be apart of something like that is undeniable.   If it be God’s will to use me in this kind of fashion I would be so overjoyed and humbled.  I took pictures...

took notes, wrote out my brainstorming ideas not that anyone else really was interested in anything that was on my heart at the time.  I tried to ignore those selfish feelings and just enjoy being there in the first place.  Why do I feel the need to be heard or share the visions I am so passionate about and why did no one really care to listen at the time?   I really do not know the answer to either of the questions but I am trying to stay positive and just enjoy being able to be apart of things.  God has a plan and a purpose to bring me here.. I am confident of that.

            After that was done, we headed back to the hotel with a small stop in a local café for some scrambled eggs, which were red from some kind of spice but still good.  I think we would probably call the place we stayed a motel.  For it had approximately 10 rooms in the shape of a L that all opened to the outside or dirt court or driveway.  We walked up and just gathered there. I knew they wanted to get together and talk about some things and I again I was just excited to hear and learn about the ministry.  But as I sat M said they were going to have a meeting and asked me to leave.  S was there and going to be apart of it and even talk to them a bit but M did not want me there.  There was no place for me to go except to my little room for even if I sat outside my room it would seem like I was somewhere where I was not wanted.  It was so awkward and uncomfortable.  I felt sad and rejected.  I literally spent at least 2 hours if not more in my room today.   Oh and let me tell you did I have a battle going on in my soul and mind while there.  WOULD GOD REALLY BRING ME ALL THE WAY TO AFRICA FOR ME TO SIT IN MY ROOM?  WHY AM I HERE?  WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?   I fought the TRUTH of GOD’s Plan being perfect and He being in control which questions and feelings of Doubt, confusion, rejection, pride, and whatever else I was boiling up.  COME ON NOW… I said I was going to have a better attitude, right!  I said I was going to release it all in His hands.  But I seriously do not get this.  

            After the meetings I thought we would be able to do something more meaningful but that was not the case either.  M., S. and G. were headed back to Addis for another government meeting and S. was flying home the next day.  Part of me wanted to scream at S. and say how can you leave me here.  And then I thought of maybe heading back to Addis and catching a plan to see my dear friends in Mekelle where ORE (Operation Rescue Ethiopia) was which was the most incredible run ministry.  But I know GOD brought me here for a reason and I am going to stick it out!!! 

           M’s mother and I were staying in Soddo on our own.  At first I thought of protesting a bit and saying I would like to go back with them but then I thought it might be kind of nice on our own here.  D (from Addis) and B who was from that area  were suppose to be with us  while we were there.   There was a ton of standing and waiting for the bus to come and get them but finally they were off. 

           “What would you like to do?”  Did I hear them right?  What would I like to do?  Our first choice was to go to the orphanage but for some reason they seemed hesitant about that without Michelle with.  I so badly wanted to go and spend time with the children and nannies but today was not suppose to be that day.  “Well…. Do you know where the Soddo Christian Hospital is?, “ was my next question.  And B replied with a definite YES.  Little did I know how well B really meant what he said.  We headed towards the hospital, M’s Mother, D, B and myself.  As we walked through town we passed a familiar sight.  One that I had seen many times on our previous trip and this trip alike, a ping pong table.  They are really all over the place.  Earlier I had talked to D about playing and he had mentioned what a great player he was back in his University days. So, when we passed one along the road and were not trying to hold to anyone else’s agenda the challenge was on. 

            It merely took one volley to know what I was up against.  D was not joking about how good he was.  The spins and tricks he was able to use were incredible. The way the crowd formed we probably provided a bit of entertainment for many.  It was probably a very unusual sight to have a woman let alone a ferengie holding her own at the game.  It was a battle.. he probably went a bit easy on me .. but in the end I lost.  I tried to pull the whole “Its very rude to beat a woman in the US” but D was not falling for it.  He boasted pretty big time.  So I went to work at trying to find out from the guys who looked like that was there regular hang out who was considered the BEST player around.  Everyone pointed to the same guy so I recruited him to play on my behalf and beat D.  Everyone was laughing so hard when I cheered whenever D would lose.  It was such a great stress releaser.

         When we got to the hospital B told me that he previously worked there and it was obvious for every few feet he would be stopped by another familiar face or old friend. I was so impressed with the whole facility.  So much nicer then any facility we saw while in Mekelle.  B was going to introduce me to the Dentist but he was not in.

        We then headed back to the hotel to clean up a bit before dinner.  At dinner B said he has spoken to M about the 2 children I had expected to see at the orphanage.  They were taken back to their village along with many other children due to the complications at the orphanage right now.  I worried about them and all the loss and inconsistency they have faced already in life.  I originally mentioned that I wanted to go see them and where they are living right now but B said that they had thought it would be better to get them and possibly bring them to town for a visit.  I said that I did not want to disturb or confuse them for my sake but B reassured me that he was more concerned with their well-being than me in which I thanked him for that.  He would evaluate things and do what is best. 

            As a family we have prayed for all the children of the orphanage and the trip.  Learning about the ministry and God’s calling on my life in this area has always been the initiator and at the for-front of everything, but I have to admit along the way God has also placed a special interest and love for these two particular children on our family’s hearts.  So originally NOT seeing them was a huge blow.  I really do want what is best for them and I am praying that God directs if I am suppose to see them although just thinking about it makes my heart race a bit more than I ever thought it would!!

FEB. 20th 2010 - TOUGH DAY!

Even though I may say I had no real set expectations when coming here I think it is impossible to really come half way across the world without some.   None – the – less… nothing is as expected.  I feel exhausted, and my emotions are thin and I have to admit I feel so alone.  Not being able to call home or communicate with loved ones at all is much more difficult than ever expected. 

We drove from Addis south to Soddo today.  What I thought may be a 4 hour drive was probably close to 6.  And we are not talking about a nice leisurely drive through the countryside.  It was the type of drive where you hold on and look forward the whole time.  If you are at all prone to any type of motion sickness you are probably a bit helpless.  It was not necessarily because of the condition of the roads either but rather the way that they drive on them.  The horn is not at all reserved for emergencies or disgruntle drivers but as a constant warning to anyone or thing ahead saying here we come… MOVE!!!  Swerving around not only all the people that are walking for miles with water buckets on their backs, but the livestock seem also to think that they have priority above any none living thing with wheels and a loud noise maker.  The lines down the middle of the road also mean nothing; Needless to say it was an interesting trip.

Sitting next to me was a young local who has been working for Michelle.  It was obvious he was not really excited to be forced to travel and stay in Soddo.  But I made it my goal to get to know him and get him talking.  “HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED TWENTY QUESTIONS?”  Thankfully language was only a selective barrier for him...  That and the cell phone that seemed to be connected to his ear.  I told him that in America, I know people sometime pretend to talk on the phone to avoid having to talk to someone next to them and asked him if that was just an American thing.  He laughed, the ice was broken and the rest of the conversation went well.  He was a super nice guy and it was great getting to know him a bit.  At one point he mentioned how easy it was to communicate with me and was questioning why he has never been able to do the same with some others.  Everything was going great until I blew it by pulling out my I-touch.  Dawit loved it and it won over conversation with me the rest of the trip. … Imagine that?!?!?!

We finally arrived at the orphanage and I was rather shaky with excitement to meet the kids. I had the videotape rolling.  As we entered the building the sweet children were singing a welcome song.  "HOLD YOUR HEART, AMY… HOLD YOUR HEART!!!"  I had seen pictures of all the kids previously but pictures do not really do it justice.  To see these faces that I have been looking at, praying for, for sometime was amazing.  I scanned the group for 2 particular ones that had stolen my heart before coming on the trip but they were not there.  At first I was waiting for them to come in from the other room but they never did.  My heart began to sink.  I was confused and worried.

Right away Michelle said we could not stay but had to get to the market.  The market only happened on saturdays so if we missed it today we would not have gotten that experience.  Michelle also had some items in mind that she really wanted to purchase and knew the market was the place to do so.  NOW.. I have been on mission trips before.  I have experienced third world countries.  But for some reason this experience was a bit overwhelming for me.  Maybe I was still recovering from the drive, or a bit emotional from not seeing the particular children.  Maybe it would of been a lot easier if I had some warning of what we were doing or what to expect.  As it was, I felt a bit lost and overwhelmed at all that was going on.  Trying to keep up with Michelle as she scurried through the mass crowd was one thing.  

On our previous trip to Ethiopia we had gone towards the North to cities like Lalibella, Axum, and Mekelle.  On that trip we had of course seen beggars on the sides of the roads and had some little ones from time to time come up to you and ask you for money.  Maybe the most invasive thing was the people trying to sell things to the point of sticking their hands in the window and not understanding or giving into the first few "No, Thank Yous."  But this was completely different.  I am not sure if they were more aggressive in there asking for handouts or if there was just so many more of them but again it was a bit overwhelming.  I learned that I needed to try and keep my distance from Michelle without losing her, for she was shopping and spending money and as soon as they get word a "ferengie" was spending money it was nuts.  Then when it was time to leave the young ones were trying to grab your stuff from you to help you carry it ... at least then they were trying to work for the money but there still was no sight of the "Minnesota nice" way of asking if they could help.. Instead the way they communicated their willingness (??)was to grab your items from you and start walking away with it.  

By the end, after Michelle's mother had to sit for a bit from what I’m sure was overheating and dehydration, we were told to quickly get in taxi, all the while Michelle still trying to figure out her purchases, finally they just closed the door and told the driver to “Go.. Go...” leaving some of the crew behind but at least they were from either Addis or that area and knew what they were doing.  Chaos! I still feel like I am not explaining it well enough to really let you understand what it was like.  

We then went back to the orphanage and started digging in the bins.  Here is where the "expectations" might of gotten in the way again.  As I packed all the clothes, pajamas, underwear, shoes and medical supplies back at home, for the children at the orphanage, I just imagined it going all a bit differently.  Again.. remember the day that I just had.  I am not sure at this point if we had eaten anything other than water and bread from someone on the street and I am still not adjusted to the time change and thus the hours of total sleep I have had the entire trip could probably been counted on both hands.  When organizing and packing the supplies I not only prayed over everything but I prayed for the children that I would be distributing them to.  I researched, studied, and talked to Michelle about the medical needs that the children might have let alone worked at obtaining the prescriptions I thought might be needed. I also knew Michelle wanted to get accurate records and updated pictures on all the kids so I guess I imagined a more organized way of passing things out, taking time to get to know the kids, and carrying for their needs as we were able to bless them with new clothes and shoes.  Needless to say it did not go as I had imagined in my mind.  It was kind of a rushed, crazy time, trying to figure out what fit who ect ect.  No time to worry about getting to know them or any real assessments.  

The other thing was the NANNIES who were just sitting there watching the children get these new items.  I know they were happy for them but I also could sense their human desires and needs and them saying "what about me?" At one point when Michelle was out of the room I was asked by some of the nannies if there was something for them.. "I said Oh yes.. we can check with Michelle." in which they talked amongst each other which I could not understand and then said "No, Michelle .. You give to us." "Ahhhhh.. What do I do now?"  I felt so bad. 

After everything was packed up, brought outside it was getting late and the kids were brought inside to go to bed.  We waited outside for the guys to come and pick us up and go to the next place that Michelle wanted to go to while there still was some light.  Here is where I learned how Ethiopian time is so different then that of the US.  Michelle called them and said how important it was for her to see the site she wanted to when there still was some light.  They said there were on the way.  Seriously, 45 min later, they were called again and they said they were almost there, probably another 45 min later and finally they came.  I really do not know the exact timing but I do know how tired, hungry and emotional I was.  It was dark by the time they arrived, we still went to the location and tried to see what we could see and then headed to the hotel we were going to be staying at the next few nights.

I will describe the room to you another time.  For now I will just describe my breaking moment.  I got into the room and it happened.  First I have to tell you about the other Angel God sent to me.  His name is Scott, a missions pastor from Michelle’s church who is here just for a quick visit on his way home from Rwanda.  He was one of those big guys who has the softest mannerisms but you can just tell he is full of so much knowledge and wisdom.  He gets me, my sense of humor (which I presently had lost), and is easy to talk to when there ever is time to do so.  He knocked on my door to tell me they were all going to head out to find a bite to eat.  “A bite to eat????” I thought… It felt like it was 3 in the morning, which it isn’t but I am dead.   I looked at him and could not hold it in any longer.  He must of thought I was nuts.  I think I even said, “I want to go home,” in the midst of the breakdown.  There is more to what is going on, in which I am not sharing, just know that nothing was or is as I expected it to be.  Granola bars and bottled water sounded like the ideal diner tonight.  So I told them to go and I just want to get a good night sleep and start new in the morning.

** Reflection:  WOW!  Looking back on all of that now I seriously can see God’s hand in it.  It was not suppose to go as I had planned or thought out.  It was not about my agenda or me. It was almost like, maybe even exactly like, God needed to bring me half way across the world just to break me and teach me about HIS COMPLETE SOVERIGNTY!!  I love that lesson.  I really do, however painful the experiences are for me to go through I would do it again and again to be able to grow and learn what God wants to teach me.  After going through all we did with my father’s illness and death I always said the one lesson I learned was about God’s sovereignty.  I prayed that whole time,  “God, you know the desires of our hearts but we submit to your will.”  Being able to trust and believe that God was not only in control but His plan was BEST for all of us was huge.  Submitting to God’s will was such a huge lesson to learn. Guess I needed to learn more. For some reason that situation seemed different than this.  I cannot even describe exactly why, but it just seemed like an isolated huge situation or event that we had time to process and get our minds wrapped around.  This however did not just seem like a single event.. After all.. I knew that GOD wanted me to go on that trip.  I was being obedient just by going.. Wasn’t I?  But GOD wanted more!  He wanted to teach me more… like submitting to God’s sovereignty and will does not just have to do with the major decisions and events in our lifes.  It has to do with everyday, minute, and second we live.  Relying on the fact that God is in complete control and if we do our part and seek after Him with all our heart than everything that happens and every situation we are in we can have complete PEACE, for if God did not want it to happen that way it would be different.   

         I am honored that God would think so much of me, that He not only knew what needed to happen to me in order to teach me these things but then He actually did it. (Honored or ashamed that He had to go to such great lengths to get it through my thick skull. ;-)) He brought me half way across the world, away from any thing and anyone I could turn to, to break me down in order to teach me these things.  THE LORD IS GOOD!!!