Obviously life has been so busy around here. I have not had the time nor energy to write or think most days. Things are going quite well and we are very blessed. Hopefully I will find time soon to share more about all of that. For now though, this is much more important I feel. What? More important than “caring for the fatherless”? YES!!! I do believe it is.
This time of year I find myself in such a dissonance.. more thanever ! Sometimes I wish I could just shut my feelings off, stop being such a deep thinker, analyzing things so much. I wish I could just lollygag thru life in oblivious blissfulness but my mind and heart won’t let me go there. Maybe this year more than ever because of all we have been through the last few months. Maybe it is because my eyes have seen and heart has been more open to the world beyond us. Do I want to live in “depraved indifference”? YES .. kind of .. a little.. to be honest! But then again…“Once our eyes are opened, we can’t pretend we don’t know. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act.” Proverbs 24:12
Here is what I am talking about and where the DISSONANCE comes into play.
I have always LOVED CHRISTMAS! I love this time of year! My sister and I were just talking about what an incredible childhood we had. Seriously, I still believe we had/have one of the best celebrations around as a family. We start out, as soon as we enter the house (my childhood home now where my brother and his family live) we all go to our rooms where the red plaid pjs are laid out for us. The entire time we are together as a family we are wearing these matching pajamas. A tradition started years ago when I was young. We even have a few extra for any visitors that may join us.
There is always so much to eat but everyone really loves just being together more than anything. As the evening comes we gather in the living room and gifts are exchanged. Here is where my father always went overboard (ohhhh in an incredible way! ) He loved to give. Have to admit getting those big surprises and gifts were always so fun. After a bit, someone would say “how about we start to sing Christmas carols” followed by a wink to all in-tuned. Hilgenbergs are not known for their musical talents but for some reason it makes it all the more fun. Eventually it would come.. the sounds of the bells are heard and the air tenses with excitement as we hear the HO HO HO and Santa makes the special visit first to our house before starting the rest of his travels. Santa calls each of the kids by name and gives them one gift each as they sit on his lap for the photo shoot. He sings one carol with us, gives a strict warning to the little ones to go to bed right when the parents tell them to and off they go. Now this next part may sound so absurd but I think it is one of the favorites of all. When Santa leaves all the kids rush to the windows. Dad was the initiator when he was with us but the older grandkids seem to fill his footsteps quit well. They watch so intently for it to happen .. they wait .. wait… and then one of the older ones start out.. “THERE IT IS!!! THERE HE GOES!!! I SEE IT” It is a pandemonium uproar of either “I see it .. I see it.” Or tears of “Where ? I didn’t see it again?” As they look for Rudolf’s nose as Santa flys away.
The rest of the evening is spent tucking all the kids in to there slumber party sleeping arrangements and putting a Christmas movie of some sort on for them as the adults stay up late eating, talking and hopefully getting some type of board game in.
Christmas morning it does not slow down. As the kids gather on the step for our morning picture…
One child is chosen (usually the oldest) to come down announce “Christmas 2010.” For all the video cameras running and the rest of the kids follow running to their designated family areas where they find their Christmas surprises. Just when things calm down and the kids have opened their presents and shared with each of the cousins what they got the announcement for “STOCKINGS” comes… The kids all line up and head downstairs where they find that their matching stockings (Yes – all the same as the ones we had as a child growing up) have been filled with candy and extra little fun miscellaneous gifts.
Oh wait there is more… As this whole morning is going on there is a smell of “Christmas” throughout the air. Every Christmas morning that I can ever remember we have the same breakfast. It is a German tradition that my grandma always made for us… Gritwurst. IT is kind of like a flat spiced sausage patty ???? I don’t know how to explain it other than it is the BEST! After stockings we all run up to the kitchen and literally stand in line for Gritwurst. It is Noelle’s own self proclaimed tradition, which somehow she started when she was so little, and we for some reason follow, that she gets to be first in line every year.
Finally before the festivities are our over we take time to dress each of the grandchildren up and act out the Nativity story. My dad would always read the nativity story from a book ( the role now passed dow to my brother ) as each child would do their part in being the best, shepherd, angel, mary, joseph or baby Jesus each year. Then we would end in once again singing Away in the Manger together.
Every year it is the same and every year I go away feeling so blessed and loving the time together. By now most of you are wondering what the problem is… sounds like the ideal Christmas. Truly this is my struggle. I think so myself. But this is the dissonace that comes into play ( actually I don’t even know if that is the right word for what I am dealing with.)
You see… I BELIEVE 100% that Christmas is a Celebration of Christs Birth. The most amazing sacrificial gift ever given to anyone. YET… I am not sure my actions reflect those beliefs all the time. I sometimes wish we could celebrate the Birth of Christ and Christmas on two different days. A quote I recently read regarding the true meaning of Christmas was …
“Ha...how many Christians do you know that actually celebrate Christmas because of Jesus? I think the majority of Christians celebrate Christmas by getting each other presents and eating, not by celebrating Lord and Savior. Christmas has become a holiday devoted to family, not Jesus. It's marketed very heavily in retail. That's why everyone celebrates it.”
Now looking back on the events of our Christmas I just wrote about how much exactly is Celebrating Jesus’ Birth vs. celebrating family, and gifts and just being together. Think about all the “Christmas Parties” we go to each year. How many of those parties do you really talk about The Lord, His birth and the sacrifices he made for us. Are the party’s really about Him at all?
Now I know a lot of the rationale that come along with these thoughts.. I go over them all the time in my mind… I would anyone to share any thoughts you might have that would help me with this this holiday season…
All this said and you got to know I in no way want to be known as THE SCROOGE! I love to have fun and rejoice. I don’t think Christmas should be a time of sitting still in a somber manner. NO it is a time of celebration and excitement… excitement for HIM and all that he has done. Mike is the one who said to me.. “ I want everyone to have fun at my birthday party!” in which I agree. I do believe that God rejoices in our happiness.
Again, maybe this is hitting me harder this year because of seeing all the need throughout the world and then realizing our abundance. Maybe it is having our 2 new children here that have never experienced Christmas and the overwhelming task it is at times to explain everything we do and why especially our Christmas Traditions… like the tree, lights on all the homes, gifts to each other ect. Am I teaching them about the most sacrificial gift ever given? Am I teaching them to learn sacrifice themselves? OR Am I teaching them that Christmas is all about FAMILY FUN FOOD AND GETTING GIFTS? … CAN IT BE BOTH.
There are so many other blogs and/or videos that do this topic so much more justice then me… please take the time to visit some of these…
I love this blog....
Livesay [Haiti] Weblog: O Holy Night
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