Real Destination Unknown

I feel I need to back up here and lay a foundation, mostly to sort things out in my own mind….

For those of you who are joining us on our journey I again want to emphasize to you that there is No Known End Destination of this journey, at this point.  We are merely walking by faith and seeing where God is going to lead us and really are open to whatever it is he has planned. This is what we know right now…

“Once our eyes are opened,

we can’t pretend we don’t know.

God who weighs our hearts 

and keeps our souls,

knows that we know and holds

us responsible to act.”

(Prov. 24:12 paraphrased)

We have gone and we have seen and now we are responsible to do something about it!  It is our desire that through our words, actions and even this blog others will be more aware of the needs of those so less fortunate than us. We hope that in some small way God will use us as a stepping-stone or vehicle for others to make their move in helping the least of these. 

Another verse that is so often used when speaking of this subject is this…

James 1:27 says “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

I do not mean to step on anyone’s shoes here because we have done the same, but to often I feel that we as Christians look at this verse, obviously believe it and then we go and give the few extra dollars we find in our junk draw OR fill a shoe box of things we got at the dollar store during Christmas time, pat ourselves on the back, make a checkmark that we accomplished what we were suppose to do and THAT’S IT!!!

When studying the verse further the Greek word for “look after”, “episkeptomai”, does not merely mean to go to see, but to relieve the problem. Not a shallow term, it implies a commitment to fully meet the needs of the person to whom we are ministering. James indicates that this type of commitment is an outpouring of a heart determined to follow the Lord rather than the world’s standards.  It is every believer’s responsibility to care for orphans, not just a select few. While some families can welcome a child into their homes, others can help make this and other things possible financially.  The way we choose to minister to these children isn’t as important as the fact that we all should be ministering to these children in some way. The love that we lavish on the them will be both a testimony to the world and an opportunity to show our love for the Lord.

Ultimately in the day of judgment “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” – Matthew 25:40 (NIV)

STEP ONE... MAKE A MOVE!!!

That is just what we are going to do. Taking the first step! Don’t really know where it will lead. But I know someone who does! :-) I can guarantee you one thing, for this I am certain, if I take this one step it will move me one step closer…. to the next step God wants me to take!!!!

Actually this first step is not really a small one either. It actually is quite big (for me that is).

I AM HEADED BACK TO ETHIOPIA!!!

Ask Mike who I am going with and you may see a little bit of panic in his eyes, due the fact that neither of us have met M, the woman I am merely going across the world with. This is what I know… I have spoken with Michelle a number of times on the phone. You know when you talk to someone and you just know you could continue talking for hours that is how I felt about her. We talked about her ministry, we talked about orphan and widow care, we talked about Ethiopia, we talked about adoption and we talked about the LORD. There you go… YOU HAVE ME… I am a sucker for that kind of talk!!!

I really do know a lot more than just this about Michelle, which I am sure I will share with you later. Throughout the different phone conversations and emails, I had with Michelle, not to mention the pictures and DVDs she sent to me of her ministry in Ethiopia, I had this incredible feeling that this is where God wanted me to TAKE STEP ONE!!! But I really didn’t know if Michelle would want me, need me, be open to me to being apart of this in this way. Then there was another connection we had, THAT PART IS EVEN MORE EXCITING … but let me finish this part first.

All of this had been going on for a while and then January 12^th happened, THE EARTHQUAKE in Haiti. Pretty much everyone has been moved by this event and for someone with a heart like mine, IT ROCKED ME! Right away, I was on the phone calling different places, seeing if they were taking Nurses. For the first few days, all I got was “NO, not at this time. “ More was developing with Ethiopia and then they started asking for nurses to go to Haiti. There were a few days there that I felt so confused, so torn, I did not know which way to go. My heart was in Ethiopia, but maybe they need me more in Haiti.. And all the time I was trying to figure out how I was going work this around my family also. Then God did what he needed to do! He PUT ME IN MY PLACE… In more ways than one! I know this is going to be hard for all of you to believe, Let me tell you, It was a shocker to me… BUT GOD told me that “AMY, YOU CAN NOT SAVE THE WORLD! “…. Seriously though… through certain events that happened GOD told me HE wanted me to stay the course, stay focused on what He already set in place. Such a good reminder for me to try not and always jump or move merely from emotions (which I admit is just a little easy for me and my a.d.h.d to do). I need to make sure I seek Him in all that I do, before I do it… every step that I take.

There were more emails between Michelle and I in which I mentioned to Michelle that I know there is so many organizations, there is so much need through out the world but that I felt directed to what she had going on and if she really needed me I would love to check it out and be apart of it. The next email said ‘”YES, I do NEED you and would really like to have you join me next month..” WOW! NEXT MONTH! And so it brings me to this! The first step!!!…. Sorry that was so long… SO MUCH MORE TO WRITE… and the NEXT PART IS EVEN MORE EXCITING… HOPEFULLY I WILL GET A CHANCE TOMORROW!!!

THE BEGINNING.....

I’m ready! I cannot be silent any longer. There is such a huge calling inside me to be a VOICE for the VOICELESS! I seriously have no idea what this even looks like; where this is going to lead me. I have no idea how to even go about this. But I cannot sit silent any longer. This is not a new feeling. It is the way God made me, who I am. Anyone close to me has surely been aware of it. This longing or seed has been there all along. Ever since I was young I have felt this calling. Experiences along the way have only confirmed it, like as a child, the huge impact that I experienced when my parents took in a young, single mother’s baby so she could get through treatment or as a teenager with my first trip to Africa. I remember on one of the last days there thinking, this is what I was meant to do, promising I would return. The decisions on what to study in college were always made with the ultimate goal of reaching the “least of these” the most effectively. It took until last summer for me to fulfill the promise of returning to Africa. It was his perfect timing, His ultimate plan, to send us to Ethiopia when he did for this was when He wanted to ignite the spark that he implanted there as a child.

God has blessed me so abundantly with 4 wonderful children and the most incredible, tolerant, committed, responsible husband ever! The blessing and responsibility of being, “wife” and “mom” to these 5 people is one of my TOP Priorities, with only GOD coming before it. I pray with confidence as I take the steps of faith God is calling me to do, that he will allow me to always keep my priorities, as they should be. I have struggled over this for sometime. But I truly have come to believe that it would be irresponsible for me to continue on as we are. We have a responsibility to live out the purpose God has for us and to teach our children how to live beyond self. I am not saying that I think this is going to be easy. I really do not know how to go about this at all especially with the way this social system we live in is set up.

As for my husband (thank you, Jesus for my husband), He is my rock. Yes, at times it has felt like he was a brick wall and I think I may have been bitter because I have thought he was holding me back. When in reality, without him I may have carelessly thrown my seed onto the rocky ground. He is the one that has made sure the soil was right, and fertile. He has been the wise one to make sure that before the seed has been planted that there was plenty of water and sun on had, so that it and everything around it would not wither and fade. He is not only the wind beneath our wings but he is the right wing. He is the one directing and guiding along the way, kind of like a rudder. Do not be fooled if at times you may only see or hear the rather vocal ship sailing by, my husband is the rudder that’s stirring the whole thing. I am sorry, M.D., when I have kicked and pouted along the journey, wanting it my way. Hopefully someday I will no longer need reminders and just completely summit to His will without question!

Whew! All that said.. plans are underway!

"HERE I AM LORD,

USE ME!"

Doors.. Knocking.. Seeking...

I have always thought the Disney Movie, Alice in Wonderland, was one of the creepiest shows for some reason. Now, I find myself relating to a part of the story.

Today I kept having visions of doors; doors upon doors: so many doors… And me standing there not knowing which one to choose.

I find myself desperately seeking... Which one is the right door for me? So many doors I think are the right one… I try to open it but it ends up being locked. Again… Seeking, Seeking, knocking, knocking… Finally, I find it!! I choose the right door!! It’s the door that was meant for me to go through all along!! BUT, on the other side of that door all I find is pain and anguish and many more doors to choose from. I question… Really? Is this where I was supposed to be... maybe I chose wrong… then, amongst the pain and anguish as I approach the next door ahead of me, I experience an astounding thing. I feel just a bit stronger than I had before, just a bit wiser too… Oh and the desire to press on is so great. I know that I cannot stop this journey.

Sometimes I desire a locked door so bad. I know it is the one for me, but why is it locked? Maybe I could force it open… but its not possible. Isn’t this MY LIFE! Can’t I make the decisions where I want to go, and what I want to do... then something inside me, reminds me this is bigger then just ME. Keep on going!

The same thing happens over and over again… Seeking, Knocking, Finding… Door after door!!! Not all doors are the same… OH, some are so good! I love what I find… It’s like just a little taste of what I have been seeking all along. The taste only fuels the hunger that I have, to open the next door and seek what it is I am really looking for.

Some rooms are literally like someone had left a perfect sweet little present for me to enjoy for that time. It was just what I needed. I find myself giving thanks and being replenished for the journey ahead.

Then there are some rooms that are so comfortable I find myself wanting to stay there and just enjoy the peace of that room... Sometimes I stay too long.. I begin to forget what brought me there in the first place… what was it I was seeking in the first place?.. I see the doors in front of me... why are they there? They are calling to me? Do I really want to hear them? Can’t I just stay here where I am? I know if I continue on the journey the next door might not be as comfortable as this one.. it actually might even be a little painful… really painful. I am afraid. And then again like someone knew just what I needed at that very moment… I am overcome with peace… I do not feel alone… I am reminded of my purpose. There is no doubt in my mind that if I just keep on knocking and I keep on seeking, when I reach that final door everything will make sense, it will be like none other! SO ON I GO!!!

"Keep on asking and it will be given to you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8