SO SO SORRY!

Can you tell that school is out? Just a bit busier around here now that they are all home! Well not all of them …..YET!!!!

Thank you all for your phone calls and emails wanting to know what is happening and how you can be praying. The roller coaster of emotions and ups and downs with international adoption continues but at the same time I find it amazing how God continues to sustain us and we continue to lean on him and grow in our faith.

Writing all that has gone on in the last few weeks is not an easy task so bare with me.....

Hearing court was delayed on the 10^th was a big blow. But then the day after that someone close to us who also was told they were postponed to the 29^th found out that they had passed court. This gave us a little hope that something could happen sooner.

Monday, June 14^th was an incredible day. Girlfriends of mine had been asking about throwing a shower for us but instead we turned it into a big SHOWER for the orphanage. It was an incredible night being able to share with others all about what God has laid on our hearts.

My house was packed full.... Packed! It was hard to get an overall feeling of what was going on because there were so many to talk to and so much to share and so many wanted to know - I wish I had more time to share everything - but I am still trying to figure out how to even start to explain the journey that we have been on – taking a look at the last few months it really is almost unbelievable... but not even the journey of the past but how can I explain what an incredible opportunity we have before us to really make a difference - the connections - the people- the places - the need -

I just don't know if I did or even can do it justice - I don't know how to put it into words all that God has done or the opportunities He has given us that lie ahead.

Just a few of the highlights from the SHOWER…

A classmate of our youngest daughter is from Ethiopia. She came with her younger sister, aunt, mother and grandmother. The grandmother brought coffee beans and roasted them over the oven .. ground them and boiled them and then did an entire coffee ceremony for us.. we were so surprised that the fire alarms did not go off due to the smoke from the incense - a bit over powering but yet so cool.

A special blessing of the night was that adoptive parents that I have been communicating so much with for the last few months came.. they recently adopted a 12 year old girl from Operation Rescue Ethiopia that we met when we were there last summer. Hailyn was beautiful. What a joy! I just hugged her and cried. She represented so much of what this whole journey is about.

Probably the highlight of the night was when everyone gathered around our family and our pastor led a time of prayer and blessing for us We could physically feel the love and support from everyone not to mention the presence of the LORD at that very moment.

It really was an amazing night. And the Lord new I needed it. That morning I had woken up really expecting to hear that we had passed court and that the shower would be a time of celebration. After all of it was over.. I realized that that it really was a time of celebration even though we were not celebrating the passing of court. We were celebrating how incredible our GOD is and the entire journey He has brought us on… The entire thing.

Now I know this might sound a little freaky to some of you. BUT, it was obvious that Satan was not happy with all that had happened that night. When God starts working … beware.. Satan will try and destroy it. There was a sense of tension in the house. Coming from all direction.. and we really had to battle through it.

JULY 17^th - We actually found out that we PASSED COURT. They were officially LINDAHLS! OUR CHILDREN! But even then I could tell something was not right about the way that I was feeling. The heaviness and oppression was so obvious. Here is something I wrote in my journal at the time..

I have not shared this with anyone ... not sure why... even hard for me to pinpoint right now... not sure that I want to be this vulnerable or open on the blog or with anyone else at this point...

I am not feeling right... not sure what to even say about it... I can't even think right .. I have really not slept for a week... I really should be so excited .. last night.. this morning at 3:33am we got the message .. we passed court.. they are OURS!!! Officially LINDAHLS!!!

It is weird.. I don't know what to say... I don't know how I am supposed to feel. what I think I HAVE been feeling lately is... Scared to death!!!! What the heck am I doing? Am I going to be able to handle this? I can hardly handle all that God has already given me... I am really a pretty lazy person... unorganized ... and selfish. Life is going to MAJORLY CHANGE --- Am I ready? CaN I do this ? Do I even really want it to? My life is full right now.. really full.. this is going to take sacrifice, hard work, probably a bit of pain.. emotional pain... WHAT AM I BRINGING ON... ?

I am a loving, affectionate, touch-ie feel-ie type of person.. and I fear I will not be able to love them like I should. I fear about the lack of attachment there may be... not even from them .. but from me... Am I all talk? Am I capable of loving like GOD commands us too? What if I don't like them?????? What if I don't even like MY CHILDREN?

Even now I am nervous to post the feelings that I was having at that time. But as I have shared them with other adoptive parents it has been so reassuring that a lot of these feeling are pretty normal. I know it sounds crazy especially after all we had gone thru to get to that spot and yes most of it is probably due to lack of sleep but I really feel like there was a spiritual battle going on at that time.

June 26^th – the next Saturday Mike and I along with our two oldest children were suppose to load a bus and head to OHIO to a national youth convention. We were supposed to be leaders and were previously so excited about this trip but at the time we seriously considered backing out. But God knew this was exactly what we needed. Even then I feel like Satan was not going to give up.

The first night, just before the first session we got a call from our adoption agency that the MOWA had lost our files. LOST OUR FILES! Now I am no one to point fingers at anyone for losing things because I do it all the time. But as I had said to them.. IF I lose something… I LOOK UNTIL IT IS FOUND… SO FIND IT!!! We wanted to file for Embassy by July 1^st and this was not going to be able to happen now.

Again though …. Victory was OURS! Not that they found our files but I really believe God knew what we were going to need to sustain us through this new BUMP! An incredible night/week of worship and focusing on HIM and His WORD! Wow!!! Really, it was incredible. And to be able to be there with my husband and two of my children, watching them have so much fun and worshipping was such a blessing and something I am so very THANKFUL FOR! (I WILL ADD PICS HERE SOON)

Just TODAY we have it confirmed that they have found the files. It would be our prayer to be able to file for Embassy as soon as possible but it may not be until the 15^th. After that we then wait for the Embassy to do their thing /research and then tell us when we are able to bring our children home. While I know we are nearing the end of this portion of the journey I also feel like this has been NO SPRINT.. But more like a MARATHON.. and if anyone ever tells you that last few miles of the marathon are the easiest…. THEY ARE LIEING!

Please continue to pray for us. Pray for our family as we prepare for our new little members. Pray for health and safety of those precious 2 children. They have been through so much already in their short little lives. Pray the Lord provides the proper healing that will need to take place. AND PLEASE PRAY.. for an extra-ordinary attachment and bonding between all members of our family and that God will equip us with the right wisdom and tools to accomplish this.