Eight...

EIGHT MORE DAYS !!!!!!

Trying to prepare myself to NOT pass court the first time but it really is not working to well. I read from one agency that there is a 50% chance of passing the first time. Why is that hard to believe? I can not imagine not passing for some reason.. although I know it is possible and I have heard of plenty of people who don't! Whatever happens... God is in control.. such amazing peace knowing that and really being able to rely on it daily!!

* There have been some of you asking about PICTURES of the kids! Don't worry, we have plenty. Just got new ones a few days ago and they look so much happier and healthier than they did in February. I can not wait to be able to post them but we are not allowed to until we pass court which, by the way.... IS IN EIGHT MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!

AND THE COUNTDOWN HAS BEGUN...

Ten… Nine….
Still time to back out!
Though true .. we are not going to! But I do want to be open and honest. I am all about speaking from the heart… saying it how it is…. Calling a spade a spade,… Not running from the truth... I never want to candy coat things or make a person believe or see something that is not really there. Sometimes I think, especially Christians, want to act like they have it all together and want to look like life is just perfect but on the inside it is far from the truth.. What good is that for those around us? How does that benefit others who may be feeling the same way?

The truth is I am a bit scared. Scared about what this is going to do to our family. Scared that I am not a good enough parent already and now I am taking 2 more in. Scared that my biological kids already look at me like I have no clue what I am doing raising them… and I think what if they are right? What if I am not cut out for this, what if I won’t be able to keep up? What if we have major attachment problems?

Thoughts of backing out do cross my mind. The truth is I know that adoption may not be easy. Especially when you are adopting older children that have already experienced trauma in their lives. I think it is wise for us to be prepared for the challenges ahead so we have gone to seminars. We have read books, not to mention the many, many blogs that I have read on attachment disorders. Not sure if I feel more prepared at this time or just completely freaked out and wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE WE GETTING OURSELVES INTO?

But this is what I go back to …
Scripturally there is such a conviction in my heart that this is what we are to do. OUR LIVES ARE NOT OUR OWN!!! This is not all about us! I think I would feel so disobedient if I did not do this right now. If someone wants to convince me that I am wrong, please do so.
Is this for everyone… NO!
But, I am convinced it is what God is calling US to do.

So why ? Why do I feel so strongly about this… here is just a few reasons…

1. James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world
2. Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. You know what Christ did for me? He adopted me. He swept me up and made me apart of the most ROYAL FAMILY EVER.
3. Matt. 25:40 – The King will reply, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”
4. We have room in our house and in our hearts. We have been given so much. And we believe it all comes from Him. It is not our own to do with as we please. How does He want us to use His things?
5. If someone said they loved me with all their heart and then saw one of my children hurting, alone, fatherless and could do something about it but didn’t I don’t know if I would truly believe if they loved me as much as they said they did.
6. James 4:17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
7. Ephesians 5:16 Use every chance you have for doing good.
8. If I claim my goal is to be like Christ then I not only want HIS EYES to see with but also HIS HEART.. and HIS HANDS. I love the song…

Hosanna…

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like YOU have loved me

BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS

Everything I am for Your Kindom’s cause

As I walk from earth into eternity.

And then the “Why Nots”…

Honestly, I start to make a list of all the “Why Nots” and every single one of them end up being such selfish reasons... so I stop and reflect on the WHYS that He has put on our hearts!!!

COURT DATE -JUNE 10th

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:19-21

Shortly after posting the last post I checked my email and there is was! The Court Date - JUNE 10th! Can you believe it? Forget trying to GUESS-timate... God has a plan and it is better than we could ever ask or imagine. His plan is perfect. In good times .. LIKE THIS!!! And what we think are the worst of times. His ways are so much better than my ways!!

Not to put a damper on the celebration here but I just have to tell you where my heart is today. I have been following a blog for the last month of an incredible family who adopted the sweetest little 3 year old girl (now 4) from Serbia in Oct of 2009. They knew adopting her that she had a severe congenital heart defect but also was very confident that God was calling to proceed with the adoption and that He was going to use her life to reach many. The incredible faith that they had that God would heal her was amazing and This is exactly what HE did... In HIS WAYS NOT OURS! Chrissie had open heart surgery in San Antonio on April 19th and NOW today Chrissie went to be with the LORD! If anyone has some time on their hands to read an incredible journey of faith and love this is where you can find...

Not sure why this all brought me back to the loss of my father. I think because it was during that time that maybe I first really came to the true understanding, submission and faith in God's sovereignty. It was when I completely had a "GOT IT" moment as to HIS WAYS ARE BETTER THAN MY WAYS and HIS THOUGHTS ARE BETTER THAN MY THOUGHTS... and I praise God for the opportunity to learn this lesson.

Chrissie's life did not end at all like her family was thinking it would, but her testimony will go on forever. I can guarantee that the number of people that have have been touched and will be touched, when they hear this testimony is....

"immeasurably more than all that could of been asked or imagined, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Update, Feelings, and Why ?

UPDATE:
No new adoption update YET... We continue to prayerfully and patiently wait for news on a court date. I would like to be able to tell you I am trying not to over think it right now by trying to guess on when we should hear something but this is not exactly true. I have searched blog after blog, read so many websites, did the math myself over and over again to try and guess-timate when we should hear something, what the court date would be and then when we would be able to travel and bring them HOME. I know that I shouldn't be doing this.. it may only lead to discouragement .. but HOW CAN I NOT? So....
The guess-timation ( FOR NOW ) is ... We are hoping to be given a court date by the end of THIS WEEK!!!!

FEELINGS:
People ask me, "Are you so excited?" I wonder, "Do they want the quick simple answer or the real "whats going on in Amy's head" answer?"
Quick answer... SO EXCITED! Hard for me to concentrate or think of anything else!
But here is just a little bit more of what really is going on in my head... Such mixed feelings..

Excited - Yes!

Nervous - completely!

A bit Anxious and even a little sad - totally!

Sad ? Does that sound like a weird one... but it is true... there is part of me that is mourning a little... mourning that the incredible thing we have going right now will be changed and never be the same. Sad that my baby (who actually is 8 yrs old) will no longer be the baby of the house. Sad that I won't have as much time to spend with the other kids, my husband or for myself. And that is just part of it...

So then someone may ask .. "WHY DO THIS THEN?"
Ohhhhhh.... and do I have so many answers for this which will have to be a separate blog of its own.. for now though, I want to share with you this video...

Peter Eide was at the Summit Conference that Mike and I went to a few weeks back.
Loved his testimony and then when he led us in worship... This is one of the songs he sang.. during it he paused a bit and said.. "Now imagine as I sing this next part, this is Jesus answering US after we asked him.. WHY? WHY ME? Why did You choose me? Why did You adopt me? "

Ephesians 1:4-6

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Amos Story - Music Video - Aaron Ivey

LOVE THIS SONG.....

Here's the words to the chorus...

I’ll find a way to get you here

If it takes my fleeting breath

Another sunrise hits the ground

And it’s a dark lonely sight

Light years away I hope you know

There is a somebody searching

For the way to get you here

I will get you here

BIG NEWS, NEW RULES, AND GENTLE REMINDERS TO STAY FOCUSED

I have been hesitant to write for a while for I have not known if what I say today will be completely different tomorrow. I am so happy to say that the more things move along now I feel the situation stabilizing a bit… so why were my emotions starting to go crazy.

I think I know why… But first let me catch you up…

Things around here have been busy. CRAZY BUSY! It was brought to our attention that the children were brought to a new orphanage. This orphanage was really new and not yet connected with any adoption agencies. We did not know if or how we were going to be able to proceed with the adoption. Finally, we received word that they found an agency to partner with them and GET THIS … The agency is based out of Minneapolis, MN., just a mere 20-25mins from our house.

Within the last few weeks we have filled out the application, had initial meetings, and interviews and have completed the entire Dossier. (A WHOLE LOT OF PAPERWORK, including the HOME-STUDY, POLICE CLEARANCE, MARRIAGE AND BIRTH CERTIFICATES, REFERRENCES AND MEDICAL RECORDS) As I type right now the Dossier is probably in Washington DC getting authenticated (whatever that means) and then should be in Ethiopia by the end of this week/early next week. Some people in the “adoption world” may refer to this as “paper pregnant” or the DTE stage (DOSSIER TO ETHIOPIA). Whatever it is, once the dossier gets to Ethiopia it will be translated and matched with the children’s documents and presented to court requesting a court date. We are hoping that they will be able to request a court date before the deadline of the NEW TRAVEL TWICE rule going into affect (May 9^th -I think).

Just within the last month or so, there have been big changes made in the Ethiopian Government regarding adoptions. Here are the NEW RULES that may be affecting us…

"Families need to be prepared to travel Approximately 4 - 8 weeks after receiving a referral to be present in Ethiopia for their appointed court date. Families will remain in Ethiopia for roughly 5-7 days and will then return to the United States after officially passing court. Families will then travel back to Ethiopia approximately 10 -12 weeks later to pick up their adopted child(ren)."

At this time, we can just sign over power of attorney over to a representative from our agency that will speak on our behalf at the court hearing. Many times it seems to take multiple attempts to pass court but as soon as court is passed the children legally become “LINDAHLS”!!! Then we just need to wait for the Embassy appointment at which time we will fly there, get their visas and bring them home.

Again, I completely understand the reasoning behind these new rules. From what I have heard, there have been quite a few cases where families have passed court, and then decided that the child that they had already legally adopted is not right for their family for some reason or another…or something happens that they never end up getting the child. Ethiopian adoptions are not reversible, and it is difficult for that child to ever have another chance to be adopted. These new rules will protect the families and the children. This is how adoptions work in Eastern Europe. The unfortunate part of this new rule, and the reason we so badly want to bypass it is…

• · It adds $5000plus to the already overwhelming cost of the adoption.
• · It requires two very long trips in a relatively short time period – which can be very difficult for child care for some families along with twice the time off of work for Mike.
• · One of the biggest issues I have with this rule is …Adoptive parents will meet their child,, hopefully start a bond with the child, and then have to leave him or her behind for months. For most of these children they already had so many people come and go from their lives and deal with such abandonment issues I am just not sure how I could do this to them.

The other change comes from the U.S. Embassy, and it will affect us no matter what. The Embassy is conducting a more thorough investigation on each and every child to ensure that the child is “adoptable.” There has been recent media allegations of misconduct in Ethiopian adoptions by a few agencies. Prior to this, families could expect to travel approximately 4-6 weeks after passing court. With this new situation it now can be up to a 10-12 WEEK WAITING PERIOD AFTER PASSING COURT.

Because I have recently been there and I am fully aware of the children’s situation, I don’t think this “investigation period” will take that long at all. Again, these rules are just in place to protect these children and the whole adoption process. Adoption is such a beautiful thing but Satan has obviously been at work wanting to corrupt the whole system and give it all such an ugly taste. These rules will hopefully take care of much of that.

As you can see we have been busy. Crazy busy with all of this, which is why I think I have been starting to feel a bit anxious at times. I am pretty much one that tells you exactly how I am feeling even if the feelings are not so glamorous so here it goes….

I start asking questions like…

What are we thinking?

Why would I want to mess with our “oh so perfect” little family?

There are a lot of other things I can think of doing with all the money that goes towards adoption not to mention the cost of raising 2 more children.

How are we going to pay for all of this?

I finally have all the children out of the house and the freedom during the day to do with what I want and this is going to majorly change that.

OR.. I can hardly handle the 4 I already have with all their laundry, activities and homework.. What am I thinking bringing two more into the picture….

What will other people think?

There’s more too.. Sleepless nights full of them…

And you know what .. Satan love those questions. He loves putting anxious thoughts and feelings of fear in our heads, and I really believe more than anything else he would love for us to back out of this all together.

When I almost feel like doing just that, I stop and I refocus. I take time and spend with GOD. And again everything becomes so clear to me. You see it is not what I was doing that was wrong.. because it is so RIGHT… it is not even that it was so time consuming and crazy but during this all consuming time .. I took my eyes off the main purpose... the One that was giving me the task at hand, the One who it is my goal to bring Glory to with all I do.

I think this was a perfect example of how easy it is for Satan to creep in and take your mind off your main purpose and goal in life. There is a saying we have within our youth group that is said a lot … “ IF SATAN CAN’T MAKE YOU BAD, HE WILL MAKE YOU BUSY.” Whatever it takes to lose focus Satan will be right there to take advantage of it. Even something so good like this adoption or maybe volunteering with CHURCH activities! WHOA… DID I SAY THAT? YEP, I did! So many times we are so busy “doing” even good that we forget about the whole RELATIONSHIP God is longing to have with us, and why we are doing the good in the first place. Maybe it is just my absent-mindedness that makes it so easy for me to get distracted even with things that are so good or starts out with the right focus in mind. I am thankful that the Holy Spirit can speak to us, even through those feelings of fear or anxiety, gently reminding us to re-focus and remember not just the task at hand or the gifts before me, but more importantly The One we do the tasks for… the GIFT GIVER Himself.

LEARNING PEACE ON THE ROLLERCOASTER!

When I was younger I use to love them. The anticipation as you slowly creep to the top followed by the thrill and speed of the vertical drop was so awesome. Now that I am a bit older I can’t tolerate them as much due to the extreme motion sickness and nausea that follows for hours afterwards. Have to admit, I feel like I have been on a VICOUS NON-STOP ROLLERCOASTER RIDE the last few months.

I have been searching my heart and wondering if some of it has to do with me not being able to completely let go, surrender all to GOD and TRUST HIM completely.

If I really trusted that His Will is perfect and He knows what is best for us and that HE is in control, couldn’t I just totally let go and enjoy the ride just a bit more. I know I look back on the blog and read what I have previously written. It all is true and honest thoughts but STILL I let the emotions, anxiousness, worry and “motion sickness” creep in. As much as some want to make excuses and say we are human and anybody would feel the same way if they went through all of this. I’m not falling for that. Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." (LUKE 18:27) It is not impossible to completely let go and believe in whatever situation you are in GOD is in control and He knows what is best… that is when…

7The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will come into play and surpass everything else and will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

The problem is we think this “peace” is supposed to be automatic. We forget about the verses before hand that we are suppose to do to receive this peace…

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Or the verses afterwards…

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:6-8)

I have a tendency to get anxious about what is going to happen next. I want to know exactly what is going on and even plan it out. I guess I have a bit of a control issue. I need to have more FAITH and to realize I am NOT in control … BUT HE IS. Truthfully even though it is hard for me not to know the ending, I am thankful that God has brought us here and chose to use us in this manner... whatever that may be. When that really happens, when we truly come to grip with the TRUTH, this is when you start to just sit back and actually ENJOY the ROLLERCOASTER RIDE! Wheeeee!!!!

This whole thing reminded me of a movie I watched in a SocialWork class in college. Parenthood with Steve Martin…. HERE is one of the scenes…

Looking back on all my previous posts you can tell this is a constant battle within my head. There are times I want to GET OFF, at least this part of the RIDE! But I cannot give up, not until God clearly leads us down a different road (which he very well may do). Until then I will learn to WALK BY FAITH NOT BY SIGHT(IICORITHIANS 5:7). God never promised this journey to be easy, probably because there are so many lessons to learn along the way and over all the bumps.

Throughout scripture there is talk about orphans… the fatherless, the poverty stricken. But scripture also refers to US as once orphans. Not knowing OF our Heavenly father or being part of the Family of GOD. I keep thinking that when I was orphaned or even now when I am lost and go my own way.. God never gives up on me. He constantly is pursuing us… Like a shepherd who has lost one of his sheep, he would never think of going home for the night without finding it.

That’s how I feel right now. Until the doors before me are completely closed or until God clearly directs us in another direction… I feel I have no other choice but to persevere, to stand steadfast. (no matter how motion sick I may get from time to time).