Ten… Nine….Still time to back out!
Though true .. we are not going to! But I do want to be open and honest. I am all about speaking from the heart… saying it how it is…. Calling a spade a spade,… Not running from the truth... I never want to candy coat things or make a person believe or see something that is not really there. Sometimes I think, especially Christians, want to act like they have it all together and want to look like life is just perfect but on the inside it is far from the truth.. What good is that for those around us? How does that benefit others who may be feeling the same way?
The truth is I am a bit scared. Scared about what this is going to do to our family. Scared that I am not a good enough parent already and now I am taking 2 more in. Scared that my biological kids already look at me like I have no clue what I am doing raising them… and I think what if they are right? What if I am not cut out for this, what if I won’t be able to keep up? What if we have major attachment problems?
Thoughts of backing out do cross my mind. The truth is I know that adoption may not be easy. Especially when you are adopting older children that have already experienced trauma in their lives. I think it is wise for us to be prepared for the challenges ahead so we have gone to seminars. We have read books, not to mention the many, many blogs that I have read on attachment disorders. Not sure if I feel more prepared at this time or just completely freaked out and wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE WE GETTING OURSELVES INTO?
But this is what I go back to …
Scripturally there is such a conviction in my heart that this is what we are to do. OUR LIVES ARE NOT OUR OWN!!! This is not all about us! I think I would feel so disobedient if I did not do this right now. If someone wants to convince me that I am wrong, please do so.
Is this for everyone… NO!
But, I am convinced it is what God is calling US to do.
So why ? Why do I feel so strongly about this… here is just a few reasons…
1. James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world
2. Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. You know what Christ did for me? He adopted me. He swept me up and made me apart of the most ROYAL FAMILY EVER.
3. Matt. 25:40 – The King will reply, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”
4. We have room in our house and in our hearts. We have been given so much. And we believe it all comes from Him. It is not our own to do with as we please. How does He want us to use His things?
5. If someone said they loved me with all their heart and then saw one of my children hurting, alone, fatherless and could do something about it but didn’t I don’t know if I would truly believe if they loved me as much as they said they did.
6. James 4:17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
7. Ephesians 5:16 Use every chance you have for doing good.
8. If I claim my goal is to be like Christ then I not only want HIS EYES to see with but also HIS HEART.. and HIS HANDS. I love the song…
Hosanna…
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like YOU have loved me
BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS
Everything I am for Your Kindom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity.
And then the “Why Nots”…
Honestly, I start to make a list of all the “Why Nots” and every single one of them end up being such selfish reasons... so I stop and reflect on the WHYS that He has put on our hearts!!!
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