5

That’s right I can now count on one hand the number of days till our court date!!

I have to admit I’m having a hard day today though. I don’t know why. Maybe the cloudy rainy day is getting to me but yet I actually kind of like rainy days that make us all stay inside together and even get some projects done. Maybe it is the time of year where there is so much going on and I feel like there is no slowing down to really even think. The older two had a car wash this morning to raise money for a youth conference they are going to this summer and the little girls have dance recital this whole weekend. But really all those things are not that overwhelmingly busy and even with all that’s going on I don’t think that is the reason for my blues.

You would think I would be jumping for joy that the court date is just around the corner, but actually, I think I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed and stressed, and a little on our own here, which ultimately is ok. The thing is, you know when you are so passionate and excited about something and totally want to make the most of every opportunity, yet everyone around you is also soooo busy and have so many other things going on in their own lives that they too are excited and passionate about. I absolutely do not want to be self-centered or make this at all about ME! Yet I do intensely desire to spread the passion and deep burden to care for all the orphans throughout the world and not miss out on taking full advantage of the opportunities God is laying before us.

Mike and I are really considering traveling at the end of the month. That is IF… (I so badly want to say WHEN) we pass court. We are talking about leaving 3 weeks from today. OK.. so I guess that kind of explains the stress and blues a little. Trying to wrap up the four kids end of the year activities, plan their summer events, clean the house top to bottom because who knows when I will have time to do it again, buy beds, car seats and whatever else is needed when we return I guess could stress the normal person out just a bit. After meeting our children, Mike would only stay a week and then return on his own. I would then stay until we get an embassy date and can bring the children home.

I fully admit I am NOT an organized, task orientated person. Right now there are like a million things I know I should be doing but I almost feel paralyzed and do not even know where to begin and even the littlest things seem like huge tasks.

On top of everything I so badly want to help meet some of the needs that the orphanage the children are at has right now. It is just a new orphanage and the two men who started it are really amazing godly men. Mike kind of gets frustrated with me because he sees my desires and passions AND MY FRUSTRATIONS. He also knows the needs but is so wise with knowing our limits. Sometimes I feel like that is a bad thing but really he is so wise. There really is so much to be done just preparing for the kids to come home. Finances are tight right now with all the expenses of the adoption and travel expenses alone. I know I cannot expect everyone to have the same desires and passion that I have either. I have to keep reminding myself that God really does not NEED ME to do anything. If he wanted to use me to do something for the orphanage than it would be clear just how to go about doing that. If he wanted others to get on board with this mission too, He would impress it on their hearts just like He has mine. For now, I just need to keep on plugging along and getting ready for what is ahead and what I am capable of doing. Everything else will fall into place.