Sacrifices... Huge Rewards!!!

A dear friend of mine has pointed out the obvious to me a few times... "You could of had an empty house here soon..." (speaking of when all the kids go back to school) OR "When all of us will be sending our last ones off to college you will still be just in the midst of things. " Helllooooo - I think I have thought of that before... just a few times! This whole thing is going to take some sacrifices for sure; even little daily ones like a quiet, peaceful, CLEAN house, a relaxing sunday afternoon with nothing to do, time sitting and visiting with friends, reading a book, even time alone with my husband.

When evening comes around lately I admit I have found myself feeling exhausted, a little irritable, out of control and a bit overwhelmed lately. I have questioned if I am up for the task at hand, doubting my own abilities sometime, yet thanking GOD I am not alone in this adventure also.

Adoption is not easy! I realize the sacrifices we are making. YET, ONE THING I HAVE NEVER ONCE QUESTIONED IS... IF THESE SACRIFICES ARE WORTH IT! It still is a no brainer to me. No matter how much I want to cry from exhaustion or because my laundry is piled high or I can not find my kitchen counter tops at the moment, no matter how much I would love to have some "me time", or even relax and dig into God's word as much as I use to... When I look into those big brown eyes of these two precious lives that God loves so very much and hand picked for our family, when I think of where they came from and all that they have gone through, there really is no sacrifice that I am giving up that even comes close to all that we are able to give them and how much of a blessing they are to us.

I really try not to "PUSH" adoption on anyone. I know this is such a special calling God has given us, but I wonder how many people have ignored the tugging of God's calling with the excuses of all the scarifies or hard work it would take. Oh, could I list all the excuses NOT to do this. It may not particularly be about adoption either but to truly live a life that goes beyond ones own desires and self; to not just see the needs of others throughout our lives or in this world but to step up and really do something about it. It is a scary thing to totally be open to what God's complete will would be for your life, to live a life completely SOLD OUT to Him.. no doubt there will be sacrifices, no doubt it may not look just the way YOU planned your life to look like.. but there is also no doubt the rewards in the END will far out weigh anything this world could ever offer.

3wks HOME - Attachment & Bonding Update

I have thought of starting this note so many times and there are so many reasons why this one is so difficult. First of all ...TIME - basically there is none! ... at least extra time to sit down and really try and articulate all that has happened. Second reason is because I think I am afraid if I share the reality of the situation, I fear that someone may just focus on the stressors and I will not be able to properly articulate the amazing blessings that far overshadow any stressors along the way. But, I so badly want to try and document, remember and share this amazing time.

The kids really are amazing. Just looking at them can melt my heart... well most of the time. I don't think you have to be particularly an adoptive parent to understand the adjustment that is going on right now having 2 preschoolers around the house again. I was pretty prepared for these adjustments that were going to have to take place but it really does not make it that much easier. Time for myself is out the door and some days I am barely staying a float. The Lord continues to teach me SELFLESSNESS, PERSEVERANCE, AND to fight off any type of LAZINESS, and for this I am thankful! Remember the days that having a second to go to the bathroom alone and in peace was a treat!

I am so thankful for the older kids in the house and am trying to balance taking advantage of their love and ability to watch the kids and wanting to make the most of this transitional BONDING period. So far the BONDING and ATTACHMENT has really been going well as far as I know or feel. Before we left for Ethiopia we sent out a letter regarding some of the issues of attachment and bonding and what our friends and family may be able to expect or how they can help with this issue. We mentioned things like for the first weeks/months we may be pretty secluded, and when we did venture out we requested that friends and family not pick up, hold or meet any of the children's needs if they do seek them for such things but rather redirect them to us.

While we were in Ethiopia and shortly after our return we went through a period of time that we, or at least I, felt like the bonding was going so well that I questioned all the need for the rules. They did seek us for all their needs and would return to us if they got hurt or wanted anything. The love and affection that we shared with each other was so apparent. The problem was they shared that with most anyone they came into contact with. Even though these people were our closest friends and relatives there still was something that we questioned about it. We spoke with one social worker, sharing our concerns, but also explaining how we felt like this was so cultural for them. Ethiopian people are so loving and affectionate to each other we wondered if this was just normal. The one social worker thought we had nothing to be concerned about unless they started rejecting us or seeking others over us to meet any of their needs. But something still did not feel completely "right".

Last friday we spent the entire morning with the children at the University of MN Specialty Adoption Clinic. We had already brought them to our general pediatrician who we adore but we are also so thankful that we made the extra effort to go the this clinic as well. It was so amazing watching how they interacted with the kids. It was obvious they knew what they were doing. I am telling you, my kids are hard to resist! Just imagine the cutest little boy not only batting his long eyelashes at you but then puckering those big adorable pouty lips and offering you kisses if not on your check he will kiss her hand. While I know it was not easy, they did so well resisting his little love poisons. They did not pick him up, and even redirected him to me. "Your mama's right there. There's your mama." I seriously was so impressed and learned so much. What was even more amazing was how it seemed to put them at ease a bit.

Later last weekend we adventured out to a larger social outing. We were not sure if we were going to be able to do this and were prepared to leave as soon as things seemed tense. It was not a small event either. Since graduating from College this particular group of girlfriends have gotten together once a month, with husbands joining us for a party at christmas and the entire families together once a summer for a pool party. Not everyone was able to be there but still no small gathering. Before going we emailed everyone asking that they completely ignore the kids. Again, really this is no easy task but I was so impressed on how well everyone did. We held the kids initially and visited with people not paying any attention to them. This is where them not speaking English did come in handy for we could talk as much as we wanted about them without them knowing. I again was so amazed at how at ease they seemed to be compared to times when less people would visit, obviously to see them and talk to them. My understanding is when children are institutionalized they get attention and positive feedback by being cute, friendly, flirty with the caregivers. They were use to doing this to just about anyone they would come in contact with. Dr. Howard had asked for me to try and identify the number of transitions they had gone through in their lives. SEVEN was what I came up with (including us). Each of these transitions and places they had different caregivers who they had to be cute or loving too in order to get what they wanted and obviously never really bonding with any of them. I noticed that when people would come over to the house it seemed like Zoeyahna would feel like she had to perform for them and would get a bit hyperactive. I now think that this was all anxiety related. It again was amazing to me to see what ease the kids were at when everyone, except us of course, seemed to just ignore them at the party and not put them on the spot. We even were able to let them go for a bit and play in the pool with our older children while we visited with our friends poolside.

(The offspring of all of our college friends...12 couples=39 children,

though they weren't quite all there)

How long do we keep this up? I am not sure! I have heard 6 months is ideal which seems like quite awhile to me. But think about it... If I just had a baby I would at least take a 3 month leave of absence not wanting to leave that baby's side for that period of time. I nursed most of my birth-children so much longer than that even. These precious children at least deserve that and even more to formulate the bonding and attachment we both have missed out on with each other!!!! Hopefully the entire 6 months I will not be longing for my quiet little private moment in the bathroom but I will try and treasure this time of bonding.

My mother retells the story of when she had just had my youngest sister and she was standing there at the top of the driveway holding her as she sent my brother (the next youngest child) off to kindergarten. She recalls thinking "What was I thinking? I almost could of been free!" And now, summer is coming to an end and the kids are getting ready to go back to school. I do think of all the other things I could be preparing to do with my time but nothing could ever have as much value or purpose than loving and caring for these two precious children of GOD's. I continue to be so thankful for the opportunity to be used by God in such a way.

Oh boy.. this post got long.. and I feel I have not even begun to touch on all that has happened in the last 3 weeks. Hopefully I will find time again soon to write more!!!!

Attachment, Adjustments and BLESSINGS!!!!

I know there is still so much to share about the trip itself and adventually I will somehow find the time to write about all that we experienced and saw. It continues to weigh so heavy on our hearts and we are anxious to share it with all who will hear. But for now I am doing all I can to stay a float during this transitonal season we are in. We have only been home for 10 days now and I really cannot believe how well it has gone. I keep holding out for some major hurdle to come up but so far nothing shy of a miracle. It is the only way that we can explain it. The attachment that is going on between all of us is amazing. WITH THAT SAID, even though the attachment is going so well this does not mean that the adjustments are all extremely easy also. Just the fact of having two little ones around the house again is an adjustment in itself. I admit I am tired and feeling the household duties falling wayward (yes, more than normal even.)

Zoeyahna and Ezekiel (Zoey and Zeke) are such happy kids. They bring so much joy to all of us. Sure they have their moments and little outbursts here and there, but who wouldn’t. It is funny because I find myself questioning everything. So many things I could so easily blow off as typical kid-things – I think each of the older ones have behaved or done the same things but now I study and question everything wondering if it may be a sign of problems to come.

I think I have read so many things about what problems to expect from children who have come from hard places that I forgot about the similarities that kids have no matter what part of the world they come from. The other night I was putting the kids to bed. I went through the “normal” routine we are trying to have, but as soon as I tucked them in and took a deep breath, one has to go “shint” – (no – I do not have a foul mouth, nor did I mis-spell that - it is their word for bathroom), then again we are tucked in and another wants “Whaa”- (a drink of water…) I did finally catch on and say “all done” when they tried saying they were hungry. I started wondering if one of my other kids had snuck in and taught them all the tricks of the trade… Seriously who taught them these things?

Zeke is actually a complete charmer and ham. If this kids giggle does not bring a smile to your face I have no idea what would. Culturally, I believe Ethiopians are such loving and affectionate people. Greeting each other with kisses are normal and Zeke adheres to his culture. Who wouldn't want to kiss those lips????

Zoey is a little sponge. I can tell she is so smart. Sometimes I wonder if she really understand all that we are saying and just pretending to not speak English. Every once in awhile she will blurt out a new word, or start to count in English or saying some of the ABCs with out us even working on them. She definitely do not like a lot of attention directed to her and as a tendency to get a bit hyper at times.

When we were driving in the car the kids heard the song Our God...(?) on the radio which usually anyone in the car will joyfully sing a long with. I really think they probably only heard it once or so but the next time it was on, they actually tried to sing along with it. Now Zeke always asks for "OUR GOD." (or something that sounds like that) whenever we get in the car.

Right now language is a major barrier though this too I am surprised how well we all communicate with each other with out actually speaking the same language. Though there has been plenty of times that I have really wanted to teach or explain something more in depth and just can not right now. I know it will all come in time, but they are little sponges right now, soaking up everything and it is frustrating when we cannot take complete advantage of that.

I love how excited the family is to have them around but I do admit I am looking forward to the day that the excitement fades just a little bit and we can sink in to a norm. The little arguments between the girls as to who gets to sit by them, who gets to carry them or hold their hand is minor but definitely adds to the tension throughout the day. Then the fact that the little ones really prefer the older girls more then sweet Emma is just a wee bit heartbreaking. Emma is probably having the hardest adjustment. She is handling it so well and I am so proud of her but she is definitely the one that it is affecting the most. We are pretty intentional right now as to making sure Emma (and all the kids for that matter) still gets some individual time and attention.

I really do not want to come across, as this is an easy journey. But the blessings that continue to come our way throughout all of this are immeasurable right now. Our Lord is so good and we are so very blessed!

HOME!!!

There is so much more to share about the trip, all that we saw there, the incredible needs and ministry opportunities to be apart of but for now I need to skip forward because…

OUR FAMILY IS TOGETHER!!!!

We are home and it feels so good!!! Any anxiety of the much talked about dreaded flight home was unwarranted. The children did great. Again it was so nice to have Bereket and Daniel, our friends from the orphanage who spoke the Walayta language, to be able to interpret for us as we explained to them exactly what to expect.

The arrival at the Minneapolis airport was incredible.

To have our family waiting for us with signs, balloons and all the love possible to welcome us home was something I will never forget. We had practiced with the kids identifying each of the other older children and their names over and over on the trip so when they finally saw them in person I really think it all clicked for them.

Mike and I have prayed so much for an extra-ordinary type of bonding between all members of our family. The 6 of us have always been so close and it is something that we prayed would continue with our 2 new members. I heard and read of so many attachment difficulties so we were prepared for this too. While I know we are only at the beginning of this journey I have to say that we really could not of asked for a better beginning. We feel so blessed.

THE LORD IS GOOD!!! OH SO GOOD!!!! TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY!!!

7/30/10

7/30/10 Friday - Meeting the children

The sun is coming up, the dogs barking, the roosters are crowing and the chanting has begun. Mike and I are sitting here right now trying to wrap our minds around the fact that we are going to meet our 2 new children in just a few hours. We really do not know how old they actually are, how big they will be, what will they actually look like. We have studied the pictures over and over again, even the video that I took at our first brief encounter but still we just do not know what to expect. How will they react to us? What will we feel when we see them? OH LORD, Please Calm our anxious hearts !!!!!

We have them! They are with us and to quote Mike, “Could this of gone any better!” They are beautiful and extremely affectionate children. We start walking from the gate to the house, they see us and come running. All four of them, our 2 children and the other 2 twin girls they have been with and grown so close to at the orphanage. I am almost worried that they are too affectionate and the bonding is going too well for just the first day. Although, they have seen pictures of us and have been told all about us for sometime, you read about attachment disorders where the children will go and are affectionate with just about anyone never making that proper real attachment to their adoptive parents. I really am not sure if that is the case or not.

From the care center in Addis we right away drove to Soddo. We were so concerned for the children regarding the ride down there for we heard they were not use to driving in cars and would often get car sick. We had grabbed two vomit bags from the plane just for this very reason. However, they were not the ones we needed to be concerned about. Both Mike and I, pretty much the entire trip had to be looking forward out the open window, trying not to make any movement of our heads, with the good ole’ vomit bags in hand to be used at any second. Not sure it is due to the extreme rain they have had this season but all the roads especially the ones trying to get out of Addis (which took a good hour itself) were under extreme construction or needed to be. The huge bumps, that I was sure we were going to get stuck in any second, and the constant swirving, stopping and going, combined with the constant smell of exhaust could make anyone who was not use to this lose their breakfast.

7/29/10

7/29/10 Thursday Arrive in Ethiopia 10 p,m.

The flight - was completely uneventful but you forget how horribly long it is. We left Mpls. a little late.. Probably around6pm and flew to Amsterdam where we had a about an hour and a half layover.

The Amsterdam airport - was ginormous. Talk about having fun people watching. It was incredible for me to see so many different people from different cultures all together. I could not help and think again about God’s love for all of us. It also struck me how important I think it is that every Christian experiences some type of international Missions trip at some point in their lives if possible. I know you do not have to necessarily even travel to far from home to go beyond your own culture and bubble we live in. But international travel, especially to a third world country really opens your eyes to just how big and diverse our world is. It is so easy to narrow our views and perspective of life to all the things that REVOLVE AROUND US… but instead we are just a portion of something so much bigger that REVOLVES AROUND THE CREATOR OF IT ALL!!!!!

From Amsterdam we stopped for an hour in Kartoon, Sudan to refuel, not leaving the airplane and then onto Ethiopia. As we were standing in the Immigration Line in the Airport I was flooded with emotions; So many things going through my mind. It really hit home. We are really here. This is really happening. Some of the gush of emotions was remembering the experiences of the last trip here. Most of which I want to block out but yet amazed to be able to look back and now see What God’s Big Plan was that I was unaware of at the time and in the midst of all the turmoil. So glad Mike is with me right now and we were experiencing this together. I could not imagine traveling here again with out him.

The GUESTHOUSE- is very nice. We were greeted at the airport by 2 BFAS staff, loaded our stuff in a van and drove just a few miles to the guest house. The electricity was off right when we arrived so they had candels lite and a table set for us to have dinner. We did the all the paperwork necessary for the Embassy appointment right away including giving them our Embassy fees, then sat and had a bite to eat just the 2 of us and headed to bed. I was not sure if I would be able to sleep but I slept solidly for a good 4 – 4.5 hours, waking at about 4:30am.

7/28/10

Hey everyone! It's Noelle here, Amy's oldest daughter. Just posting some journal entries for my mom while they are in ethiopia. Blogger does not work there so she emailed them to me.

7/28/10 Wednesday FLIGHT LEAVES FOR ETHIOPIA – 5:05 pm

As much as I have been packing and repacking for weeks you would think that I would have been so organized and had the luggage on the side of the curb just waiting to be loaded in the car when it was time to go. Unfortunately that is just NOT how it worked. Not sure why it is always like that for me. Such a bummer.

The night before we left our Pastor, Youth Pastor and their wives came over to pray for us. I cannot tell you what a blessing it is to feel so much love and support from these people. I really believe it is not just because they happen to be our pastors but they are truly our friends. It was great being able to pray together, Giving Him all the Glory and Praises for what is has and is going to do and also praying that the He goes before us and paves the way and makes our paths straight!

When they were there I felt like I was pretty set. The bins were closed, not sealed but closed. We were bringing our 2 carryons with our personal stuff, 1 suitcase for the kids we were shipping and 5 larger plastic bins of donations, including the 2 computers we were able to purchase from the donations from the shower we had. Something happened between then and the time we were to leave for the airport. I really have no idea what it was but it was NOT PRETTY. For some reason I felt the need to reorganize all the bins. LUKE was the official wiegher of the bins (Although I will give credit to CHASE, one of seragent sons from Rockpoint, who did step in when Luke was not available – YOU MADE THE BLOG CHASE!!!;-). I think we weighed and reweighed, reorganized and weighed again a hundred times.

At first I wanted to reorganize so I only had to open certain bins while in Addis and certain ones in Soddo, But as soon as we were into that and almost done we concluded that we knew of someone that was actually leaving a week after we got back and could bring the extra bins for us. We were allowed 2 check in bags each and were going to pay $200 for each of the extra bins we were bringing. This realization made me panic and scramble to again reorganize everything so anything that I needed for specific individuals were packed in the bins I was bringing and not the ones I sent later.

Seriously MY PLAN was to have all the bags on the curb when Mike got home from the half day of work he put in. I really thought I could do it. I was fully aware that with any trip/vacation we go on there is always a bit of tension and anxiety in the house until everything is packed and in the car or even checked in at the airport. Then you add the little facts like this was a trip to AFRICA, all the extra luggage and ministry things we wanted to take advantage of, ABOVE ALL THAT THE FACT THAT THE MAIN PURPOSE OF THIS WHOLE TRIP IS TO ADOPT AND BRING HOME TWO PRECIOUS LITTLE CHILDREN. I really wanted to be able to minimize that tension as much as possible. It really was my intent. Instead when Mike got home he arrived to a little tornado to say the least. I had my girlfriend, Lynette over – Organizer extraordinaire- One of my Favorite cousins of all times who has experience with the adoption process multiply times and been by our side through all of this from day one– and my mother all running around like crazy. We tried to act like we had it all under control but there was no fooling Mike. It did not help that Luke runs up to him says “its just out of control here!”

Oh, I am so sorry Honey! I really did try. All that said, we were at the airport, checked in and even at the gate 2 hours before our flight