OK.. I woke up this morning feeling confident that I was going to have a better attitude. You see, I know what advice I would give someone else in this situation. I give it to myself all the time. I read scripture. I feel renewed. I feel like I can hold on to these promises that He gives us BUT THEN… I constantly fail. I am constantly reminded just how weak I am.
We headed out in the morning for a beautiful walk to the site where, if everything falls into place, they would like to move the orphanage to. Along the way I enjoyed a humorous conversation with S. Thank God for laughter… So nice for the soul! And things seemed to go well. Seeing the city from another view was so good for me. It was nothing like the market experience but there was a peace that was felt for a moment. It was fun for me to see the site and try to visualize all the incredible things God could do with it. There was so much potential but it would take work and God has to make a lot of things fall in place before it could even start. But still there was a spark in my heart for that kind of ministry. I am not sure if it would be right there, with Kingdom Kids or even in Ethiopia, but the incredible calling, peace, nudging, joy, vision or whatever it is that I am feeling to be apart of something like that is undeniable. If it be God’s will to use me in this kind of fashion I would be so overjoyed and humbled. I took pictures...
took notes, wrote out my brainstorming ideas not that anyone else really was interested in anything that was on my heart at the time. I tried to ignore those selfish feelings and just enjoy being there in the first place. Why do I feel the need to be heard or share the visions I am so passionate about and why did no one really care to listen at the time? I really do not know the answer to either of the questions but I am trying to stay positive and just enjoy being able to be apart of things. God has a plan and a purpose to bring me here.. I am confident of that.
After that was done, we headed back to the hotel with a small stop in a local café for some scrambled eggs, which were red from some kind of spice but still good. I think we would probably call the place we stayed a motel. For it had approximately 10 rooms in the shape of a L that all opened to the outside or dirt court or driveway. We walked up and just gathered there. I knew they wanted to get together and talk about some things and I again I was just excited to hear and learn about the ministry. But as I sat M said they were going to have a meeting and asked me to leave. S was there and going to be apart of it and even talk to them a bit but M did not want me there. There was no place for me to go except to my little room for even if I sat outside my room it would seem like I was somewhere where I was not wanted. It was so awkward and uncomfortable. I felt sad and rejected. I literally spent at least 2 hours if not more in my room today. Oh and let me tell you did I have a battle going on in my soul and mind while there. WOULD GOD REALLY BRING ME ALL THE WAY TO AFRICA FOR ME TO SIT IN MY ROOM? WHY AM I HERE? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? I fought the TRUTH of GOD’s Plan being perfect and He being in control which questions and feelings of Doubt, confusion, rejection, pride, and whatever else I was boiling up. COME ON NOW… I said I was going to have a better attitude, right! I said I was going to release it all in His hands. But I seriously do not get this.
After the meetings I thought we would be able to do something more meaningful but that was not the case either. M., S. and G. were headed back to Addis for another government meeting and S. was flying home the next day. Part of me wanted to scream at S. and say how can you leave me here. And then I thought of maybe heading back to Addis and catching a plan to see my dear friends in Mekelle where ORE (Operation Rescue Ethiopia) was which was the most incredible run ministry. But I know GOD brought me here for a reason and I am going to stick it out!!!
M’s mother and I were staying in Soddo on our own. At first I thought of protesting a bit and saying I would like to go back with them but then I thought it might be kind of nice on our own here. D (from Addis) and B who was from that area were suppose to be with us while we were there. There was a ton of standing and waiting for the bus to come and get them but finally they were off.
“What would you like to do?” Did I hear them right? What would I like to do? Our first choice was to go to the orphanage but for some reason they seemed hesitant about that without Michelle with. I so badly wanted to go and spend time with the children and nannies but today was not suppose to be that day. “Well…. Do you know where the Soddo Christian Hospital is?, “ was my next question. And B replied with a definite YES. Little did I know how well B really meant what he said. We headed towards the hospital, M’s Mother, D, B and myself. As we walked through town we passed a familiar sight. One that I had seen many times on our previous trip and this trip alike, a ping pong table. They are really all over the place. Earlier I had talked to D about playing and he had mentioned what a great player he was back in his University days. So, when we passed one along the road and were not trying to hold to anyone else’s agenda the challenge was on.
It merely took one volley to know what I was up against. D was not joking about how good he was. The spins and tricks he was able to use were incredible. The way the crowd formed we probably provided a bit of entertainment for many. It was probably a very unusual sight to have a woman let alone a ferengie holding her own at the game. It was a battle.. he probably went a bit easy on me .. but in the end I lost. I tried to pull the whole “Its very rude to beat a woman in the US” but D was not falling for it. He boasted pretty big time. So I went to work at trying to find out from the guys who looked like that was there regular hang out who was considered the BEST player around. Everyone pointed to the same guy so I recruited him to play on my behalf and beat D. Everyone was laughing so hard when I cheered whenever D would lose. It was such a great stress releaser.
When we got to the hospital B told me that he previously worked there and it was obvious for every few feet he would be stopped by another familiar face or old friend. I was so impressed with the whole facility. So much nicer then any facility we saw while in Mekelle. B was going to introduce me to the Dentist but he was not in.
We then headed back to the hotel to clean up a bit before dinner. At dinner B said he has spoken to M about the 2 children I had expected to see at the orphanage. They were taken back to their village along with many other children due to the complications at the orphanage right now. I worried about them and all the loss and inconsistency they have faced already in life. I originally mentioned that I wanted to go see them and where they are living right now but B said that they had thought it would be better to get them and possibly bring them to town for a visit. I said that I did not want to disturb or confuse them for my sake but B reassured me that he was more concerned with their well-being than me in which I thanked him for that. He would evaluate things and do what is best.
As a family we have prayed for all the children of the orphanage and the trip. Learning about the ministry and God’s calling on my life in this area has always been the initiator and at the for-front of everything, but I have to admit along the way God has also placed a special interest and love for these two particular children on our family’s hearts. So originally NOT seeing them was a huge blow. I really do want what is best for them and I am praying that God directs if I am suppose to see them although just thinking about it makes my heart race a bit more than I ever thought it would!!
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